Recently I wrote to a friend in Israel telling him all about the pain, dismay, and confusion I was feeling as I confronted my realities, climbing out of denial and into the truth of my life. He replied:
As I read this I had the image of you as a squaw, strong and wise, sitting like a little mountain looking deep within. Not to be disturbed.
A big smile stretched across my face and I felt warmly and immediately understood. How did he know that one of my favorite prints hanging in the living room is of just such a squaw? We wrote back and forth a bit more and then he said:
If you were a squaw, what name would you give yourself? (In English please - never know what to expect from you, you might suddenly start spouting in Sioux or in Cheyenne or in Blackfoot).
And so, I spent the next few days driving to and from work, even as I taught my classes, thinking about what name might describe me ... the essence that is me for me.
In fact, it was immediate. The name came to me immediately. However, I decided I had better think about it a bit more thoroughly. Thinking about it changed nothing. There it was, right there, in the middle of my forehead as I sat cross-legged each morning during pranayama.
[that's me on the right with Swami Ji in Tel Aviv from a newspaper article in 1978]
[Heidi would understand how it came to me ... the name I mean ... I think she would]
How healing it has been feeling the essence of me. No matter what transpires around me, outside of me, or what others do to themselves, I will sit there, strong and wise, like a little mountain looking deep within, not to be disturbed and sense Mercury Morning ... Mercury Morning ...