Quote of the day:
"Every year, a lobster molts," the man continued. "It takes 72 hours for a new shell to form and harden, and during those three days, the lobster is the most vulnerable it can be. But, Mrs. LeShan, a lobster can't grow without making itself vulnerable." Time Goes By
It seems that when I clean my house it is in order that it will become dirty again. When I make my bed it is so that it will become unmade again. If I wash the dishes it is so that they may become unclean again.
It's the same with blogging.
As soon as I write a blog-post, I have to write another again. I am cycling over and over, round and round, up and over, in and out, forever on a round-a-bout of living things over and over again. Take my marriages, for example. Each time I entered a new one I found myself waiting for, expecting my failure, disaster, and subsequent abandonment. Sometimes I had to do the leaving before they did to ensure that it was so. Each time I rolled into yet another relationship I took the Tamarika-package of neuroses and insecurities with me and spent the years ducking, waiting for axes to fall all around me.
T and I are nearing our seventh anniversary of marriage. It will also mark 12 years being together. Heaven knows, he has his T-package of neuroses and insecurities too. And we battle it out, holding on and supporting each other through those ever so dark moments together. But, look, see, something is happening. The cycling is turning down a different path. It seems like I am not a failure, we are not heading towards disaster, nor does there feel like any abandonment in the future. Just constant support and working things through. Facing the pain, sharing the insecurities and holding on. I think we are learning that we are worth it. As T would say, "What a concept!"
So, yes, some things just have to be cycled through over and over again: doing the laundry so that clothes become unclean again or clean the litter box for the cats to soil it a few moments later. Even this blog post will soon be over with the Tamarika blog staring at me longingly for a new post before long.
Ah, but marriages?
Well, feeling solid, methinks we are cycling down a different path ... two insecure, neurotic friends holding hands as we walk, sometimes stumble through the shadows ... out into the light from time to time for a breather.