Blog a Doodle Dandy (update)

And so here I am early in the morning, up with the robins and little Ada Mae. She sprawls on the table close to my fingers as they tap, tap, tap on the keyboard. She wrestles with a piece of string that lies next to her and every now and again licks her paws. My little buddy early in the morning. She has been up most of the night staring out of the window at the great Fairmount Park. Who knows which animals she sees strolling by under the shadow of the moonlit trees. Her knowing eyes widen to look at me every now and again. Blog - Ada - Ada - blog - tap, tap, tapping ...

Yeah.

A friend and I talked about me and my blog just the other day. We were sipping different beverages. She a cold, chocolate drink and me chai tea. Both munching on some kind of Kellogg's Styrofoam, strawberry-tasting snack bites. "L., I have to give up my blog. I just have to," I said. "No, you must not," she replied, "It is good for you. It helps you. You feel strong and confident after you write in it." Munch, munch, crunch, crunch. Finally she says she cannot eat anymore of those Styrofoam-tasting snack bites. "Can I leave them and not finish them?" She asks politely. Of course! I understand completely. She continues about how at some weblog sites people get into fiery debates about stuff but at mine somehow comments are always kind and supportive. "You need that," she explains.

I think about our discussion this early morning. How kind my blogging community is to to me and ... is it strength and confidence I feel after writing? Sometimes writing a post helps me understand confused feelings. At others I simply love sharing a thought or two out there in space somewhere. Of course, comments are always a special treat. Acknowledgment and validation. But more than that, comments give me the feeling that I am connected to some kind of community. I recognize that the blogging community has served to fill a void that I felt so excruciatingly as I arrived in Philadelphia over a year ago, after leaving my home of 18 years.

Blogging has also helped me process the many years of therapy with Bob. I have gotten to know myself as I share my journal ramblings with cyberspace. Putting it down in black and white for others to read along with me, bear witness and validate, has helped me sort out, confront and face down some of my deepest vulnerabilities. So no doubt about it. Blogging feels like a life-saver.

On the other hand my most productive writing hours are early in the morning and I seem to spend them blogging or reading others when I could (should?) be writing books, articles, other things ... I sense that time is drawing near for me to let go of this kind, virtual community and plunge myself into reality. I am indeed stronger and more confident. So much has become clear about who I am and why I do, think, feel the way I do. Naturally I realize that if I stop blogging I will disappear like a puff of smoke. No one is indispensable and although among my tiny readership some will undoubtedly miss me a tad, the cyber world will happily roll along without me.

And so, my dear, tiny readership, here is my blog-a-doodle-dandy plan. One more week until I depart for a ten day vacation to Greece. While there I will take a break from blogging. When I return, a decision will be made. So, let's have fun together this week. Mother's Day is coming up and other stuff is bound to appear.

The count down begins ...

Update:

Just in. An e-mail from L.

Hey, Tamar, I read your blog today. Have you read people's comments yet? They are still supportive. What a nice crew! I will miss you and them.

Comments

[ainelivia]

Oh what do I say? I don't want to put pressure on you, I do want you to know how much your blogs means to me, and of course i don't want you to stop.

Give L a hug from me. Yes, we don't have fiery debates here, because you set the standard of understanding and empathy and kindness. And you are one of the few. You respond to your commenters which I have always appreciated and treasured. You gave example there for others to follow. Oh Tamar, I would miss you so. Your writing is like good food, prepared with thought and kindness and shared with others, Love and understanding go into it, and I always leave with that feeling; that love, understanding and kindness have been shared. In your blog you do what you do best, share, and in that you are "teaching" and it is the best kind of teaching, you are sharing by example.

Maybe you could blog less?

[Joy]

I'm not even going to talk about whether you should continue to blog or not Tamar. I'm just going to wish you a wonderful, restful and glorious vacation in Greece. There I hope you find the answers you need to make the best decision for yourself. We will understand whatever you come to. Bless you, and much love....
-Joy

[Chancy]

Tamar.

The answer to your blog dilemma seems to be already made in your subconscious.

Have a wonderful vacation in Greece.

[fp]

Sometimes I feel like a slave to my blog. I want to get something posted every day. Indeed, there isn't time, inspiration, or material in my life for something interesting every day so if I were a wiser person I would emulate Dervala and present polished gems every so often.

You are a writer and a communicator and the web publishing form we are constrained to call "blogging" (ick) is made for you. Still, you have such a wide range of interests and obligations that it wouldn't surprise me if you laid this aside from time to time. I think experience has taught you to do what's right for you, so nothing I can add will be very valuable.

I hope you're as encouraged by the value I find in reading your reflections from time to time as I am by the knowledge that you read mine.

Have a nice vacation Tamar!

[goldenlucyd]

Tt sounds like you know what you need to do. But I agree, what you need to do before anything else is to enjoy a well-earned vacation.
Happy Mothers' Day Tamar and a true Shavouah Tov!
lucyd

[Tamar]

These comments are encouraging and helpful as I sort out my confusion. I appreciate your trusting that I know my mind, conscious or subconsciously. Sometimes I only manage to recognize what is going on with me after I have written an entire post!

It certainly does help to know that some of you enjoy reading my posts or even benefit from them in some way. I often lose my sense of self or directon.

I am looking forward to the vacation although have already been looking into those internet access cafes in Greece that Danny
http://tamarika.typepad.com/in_and_out_of_confidence/2006/05/making_lists.html#comment-17025084
mentioned a few posts back!!

I guess I am going to have to learn to balance feeling like a slave to the blog ... with the addiction to it ... and self-responsibility (never my strongest suit)!

[Mary]

Tamar, you have my total and full support in choosing what is best for you ...

But even if you do decide to take time I away from the blog, I do hope, very selfishly, it won't be for ever and that you will return eventually, if only intermittently.

But right now, enjoy your vacation!

I could have written the last paragraph of your comment above myself. I have taken a week off the blog out of necessity - I was burned out - not enough time to post and yet feeling pressured to do so.

Seven days feels like an eternity on the one hand, and not long enough on the other ....

[Tamar]

Mary,
Thanks for the encouragement and good wishes for the vacation ... and for being there.

[joared]

I'm enjoying your blog. For what it's worth, as my initial preoccupation with the blogosphere may be beginning to mellow, I feel less of a compulsion and sense of urgency to keep up day by day, in most instances, with the blogs I am reading.

I've found some blogs I enjoy don't post everyday which is just fine with me ... I still enjoy visiting them.

But, I certainly understand when a person senses a need to let go of what has been, to move ahead with what can be.

I'll miss your blog if it ends. I'll still enjoy your blog if you simply post less frequently. Am confident you will decide what is best for you.

FYI, a shipment is on its way to me of your son's CD to add to my jazz collection. Know I'm going to enjoy it! Will think of you, too, when I listen to it.

[Tamar]

joared,I am always encouraged by your comments. Thank you. Ooh, and of course I am delighted you ordered my son's CD. I hope you enjoy the music he makes.