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« Blog hopping (Update #2) | Main | Uncovering the shame »

February 22, 2007

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tamarika

Jean,
This description of how we change and the depth and slow-ness of it is so beautiful. I agree so much. Yes, I do sense that this next book is big for me. It is related to stuff I have been thinking about for so many years - it is like a dream for me. And I fear it by the same token because who knows where it will lead me. My first book opened my heart and mind to me in ways that I least expected.

Jean

Yet another post from you that went so deep with me that no comment seemed adequate. A few days before I read this I had been talking to a cousellor who has become a kind of friend, we appreciate one another so much, and finally making - I think - some very important connections; starting to see (no, not just to see - to believe) that progress with change, creativity, fulfilment in life has to be worked on, and waited for, from two perspectives simultaneously. On the one hand, cultivating better habits, 'doing it anyway' - the stuff that meditation, yoga, exercise, regular work habits help with. On the other, accepting that sometimes this is not enough; sometimes if progress is unduly, inexplicably slow, it's because deep, deep stuff from the very centre of life and identity has to shift along with the particular project in hand. This is true for me with my wish to move from London and have a different lifestyle. It is therefore very slow, but, oh, if I manage, however slowly, to do it, I think it will be really big change this time. So I read this and had an image of a big piece of you healing up as you write your second, and no doubt very important, book. What a wonderful image. Worth all the pain, all the slowness. Life-changing indeed.

tamarika

Neil,
I like what you have to say. It makes so much sense. One of my problems is that, in fact, I have been "shamed" for my writing, and it has tapped into deeper, early childhood feelings. I am trying to rid myself of it because intellectually I know a) that shame and writing are not connected, and b) those who shamed me have their own problems. That is to say: it's not about me!

What makes me so happy about your comment is:

"You are free to express yourself to others. We will always back you up."

I guess I need to be reminded that sometimes as I become closer to feeling more comfortable with myself.

Thanks so much.

Neil

I'm sorry to hear that you have these feelings gnawing at you at times. But I have complete confidence that you will work things out. The first thing you should do is disconnect your writing from your "shame." They have nothing to do with each other. You are free to express yourself to others. We will always back you up. The hard part is not with us or with the writing, but getting yourself to be comfortable with yourself.

tamarika

These are big comments that have given me so much to think about. I was thrilled to have TherapyDoc over for a visit and certainly stopped by to read your post which was interesting indeed! Thanks for all the ideas and tips about how to and the why's etc. Making amends made me smile. I have the feeling that I think by now I've paid the fine, my dues, and as the Jeff Bridges character in "Fisher King" says, have paid my fine and want to go home!

Ilene,
I appreciated your input very much indeed. Man oh man - you *are* such a good writer! I adore how you have worded the challenges and complexities of feeling. And I recognize a fellow, nay, *sister*-traveller. I feel tremendously lucky to be developing this friendship. Thank you so much.

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