Becoming strong to say goodbye

Quote of the day

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate. One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

From Alice Walker's open letter to Barack Obama, which I found at Frank Paynter's site.

Lately I have been thinking about aging. I cannot help it. After all, in six month's time I will be turning sixty. Yes. 60. And to me it feels like "the big six-OH!" As I have always looked to the sixtieth decade as the age of wisdom, inner beauty, and maturity, somehow, I just cannot wrap my mind around the thought that I am capable. privileged or honored enough to turn into such a silvery, shimmery, shining age. I struggle with allowing myself to become mature, wise, or certainly possessing anything like "inner beauty!" Me oh my. After all, it seems to me that for so long, I chose to be child-like, and pushed back against maturity in case it would turn me into a conformist, boring old woman - as if that was a very bad thing to be.

As I walk briskly four miles each day, I notice that my legs, arms and torso are becoming stronger, and that since losing almost thirty pounds, not only do I feel lighter and more supple, I have so much more energy. I like the sensation. Long ago, I used to lose weight to feel sexy and worthwhile. Nowadays, it feels healthy and wholesome. It does not detract from my sensuality or sexuality as a woman, but I do not feel the need to prove my self worth through being sexually appealing any longer.

On one of my walks recently, I realized that, in fact, as I become older I need to become strong and flexible. In order to say goodbye. 

As I fortify my legs and arms with free-weights, or stretch and bend with daily yoga practice, I feel the strengthening of my physical body permeating my emotional and spiritual self. I need to develop the inner fortitude and patience to say goodbye. For, aging is connected to parting in a deeper, ever present way. It becomes more immediate the older I become. For, at any time, this could be my final moment. 

Living is all about losing and grieving. And, I have surely lived through my share of losses, through the typical life stages, death of loved ones, or divorces - mine or those closest to me. Losses of: childhood, expectations, countries, towns, states, humility, integrity, dignity, adolescence, youth, jobs, standing in the community, ideas, opinions, health, feelings of mortality or omnipotence, ego, innocence, boyfriends, girl friends, dearest friends, siblings, virginity, life stages, husbands, parent, attitudes, states of being, unborn children, baby from my womb, son leaving home, regrets, paradigms, continents, outlooks, love, habits, in-laws, step-children, dreams, youthfulness 

... more will surely come to me ...

However, the notion of losing life looms larger now that I become older. I want to be really strong for that stage, for it will be very sad for me to part from my son, life partner, dearest friends and family members, animals, plants, good food, companionship, blue skies and rainy days, joy, sorrow, snowfalls and walking by the ocean, in the woods, or up high on a mountain ridge against a stormy sky. I will need to stand firm and face it so that I might also give strength to those around me as we bid farewell to one another. I think it must take courage and strength to die - let go - move into the unknown and the inevitable.

Now, I am sure there are those of you out there, who will cry out, "Oh, Tamarika! You are still young! 60 is the old 40!" Believe me, I have those thoughts, too, that cry out in my brain as I reflect on all of this. To those conflicting cries, I reply quietly and firmly, "It takes time to build up the strength and courage - understanding and wisdom - patience and acceptance - to face my final life stages. So, I am starting - must start - right here and now. Before it is too late."

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Becoming an adult

Comments

[Kay Dennison]

Speaking as a 61-year old, I do understand your thinking. I went through it, too, and guess what? I woke up on my sixtieth birthday and nothing magical or horrible happened. I was still me, my life was still my life for better or worse, and the challenges were all the same. The only thing I decided to change was how I dealt with things and that helped immeasurably.

Yeah, I still get crabby and sometimes I still get depressed but I only allow myself a limited time to do so. It's made me a lot happier.

[sky]

yes, i know. i have been in a similar place about my own aging process. my body doesn't work like it once did, and that is distressing. thinking about the fewer number of good years i have left is a bit overwhelming. in the past i never thought much about the later leg of the journey. now it is coming into clearer focus and is front and center. yikessss!

[tamarika]

What a coincidence! Shortly after I wrote this blog-post, on the same day I received a card in the mail from a dear, dear friend. She writes:

"Thank you for working so hard to make your body healthy and strong. You have increased the likelihood that we will have many more teachers of young children who do their work better, and are treated better for the work they do ..."

Here is an angle I had not been thinking about. Dear readers, we need to be strong to continue to make our contributions to society, over and over again ... before we say goodbye. (Words cannot describe how grateful I am for such dear friends as Cheryl)

Dear sky and Kay, thank you so much for sharing your experiences and comments here.

[Claude]

I am 64 and like Kay, I'll say nothing special has happened.
I have started on a new exercise "trip", because the doctor told me that if I kept this up, I might become a candidate for a cerebral attack. I find the idea horrible. I don't mind dying so much, as long as it is fast and painless, but I can't impose an incapable mother on my daughter if I can help it.
And yes, living is about losing and grieving, but not ALL about losing and grieving. Losing and grieving cannot be avoided, but one should also think about sharing and enjoying, don't you think so? :D

[tamarika]

Hi Claude,
Yes definitely! Life is absolutely about sharing and enjoying! No question about it. And, I must say that thanks to all the losing and grieving, I appreciate joy in a way that I was never able to when I was young. Deep, amazing feelings of joyousness about even the smallest things.
Thanks so much for your comment!
Here's to exercising and keeping strong to face the partings and experiencing joy!

[Claude]

Yep! Let's take advantage of all the small things, while we can ;)

[Joy]

At 61 I guess I'm in the same boat as everyone else. This year has been a real 'eye opener' for me as far as my health. I too had a lecture from my doctor to lose weight and get serious about moving more than just my ten fingers on the keyboard all day if I want to enjoy my family and my life for any length of time. Putting it like that kind of makes you re-evaluate things....so I've lost some weight (around 30 lbs.) and have been trying to exercise more. Although presently I'm having a little problem with a sore hip for the past two months that has kept me from walking very much. I've learned that in the process of working on one thing....often something else gets out of whack that derails your progress for a while. But I'm still working on it. It has it's ebbs and flows....and I'm learning it takes a lot of perserverance.

Congratulations Tamarika for all of your hard work and for all of your success. Good luck...

[tamarika]

Dear Joy,
I appreciate you sharing your own journey, here with us, complete with struggles, and successes. It's a really good feeling for me to know that we are all in this together: aging, living, enjoying, regretting, loving, and edging slowly towards the inevitable. I don't feel so lonely when I hear everyone's stories and experiences about this.