Quote of the day:
You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. It's possible to treat yourself with outrageous kindness beginning today. Geneen Roth
I always thought that I was an emotional eater. In other words, if I was angry, sad or bored I would pick up the entire insides of the refrigerator and pack them into my body in the space of five minutes or so. And, of course, that is still true to some extent.
Not the packing in of enormous amounts of food. That, thank goodness, is no longer true.
What is true is that the purpose of eating is emotional as well as physical for me. However, it is much more connected with feelings of self loathing. Not simply that I do not like myself and thus reach for food. It is more about self loathing as preventing me from caring for and about my Self.
Recently, in a kind of mini revelation, I discovered the power of eliminating self loathing. It simply has direct implications for how I treat myself physically. In other words, I enjoy taking care of my diet and exercise. I love eating healthy foods because it makes me feel physically good. I enjoy yoga and my walks like never before. Because they make my body and mind feel good.
And ... and this is the important part ... I enjoy feeling good!
More and more, I find that I am able to hold still with good feelings - even as my brain immediately clicks into gear and tries to take me back to self punishment, raising up ancient pains or feelings of guilt and regret about the past. I stare at those feelings in the face and refuse to entertain those old wounds. I allow them to flow past and away, and return to feeling happy, fulfilled, and even ... valued and lovable.
I cannot describe what fun it is to look into the mirror and like what I see. It is such an unusual feeling for me, that I find myself staring for awhile. Yes indeed, I allow myself to get a sense of me with all the gray hair, odd wrinkles and little plumpy pieces, and before long I realize I am smiling back at me.
A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Loving the unlovable
Seven years ago at Tamarika: What's a blog (Update)