Quote of the day:
TWO RULES I WILL TRY TO FOLLOW FOR 2014:
1). Break all the rules!
2). Go as fast as you can in the direction of your dreams until apprehended.
Join me! Make a New Year's resolution! Bill Ayers.
For 2014, my resolution is to try not to make rules or resolutions. Acceptance of self is key for me. No more thoughts of self alteration or fixing me up. I just want to learn to like me. Get to know what I want and need, and how to set boundaries that will help me feel safe. Since I was a child I was brain washed to believe all kinds of myths about who I am. And lately, I get it! I don't possess hardly any of those characteristics that were so indelibly ascribed to me. Mostly, I was taught not to believe or validate my feelings.
Myths turn into truths. And oh, I have raged. Yes indeed. Within and without. Have tried to explain and prove to dispel those truths. To no avail. So, this year, I want to rummage around in my brain and discover the real me. I feel like I am half discovered to myself already. Perhaps even three quarters of the way to understanding and accepting a different version of me.
I cannot go it alone. This in itself is a realization that brings me comfort. Have tried so desperately to go it alone for so long. Now, I plan to gather around me those who accept and support who I really am. Keep them close, spiritually, emotionally, virtually, and if possible, physically.
I hope to disengage from toxic systems, and shame - and breathe in more light. This might even become my mantra to accompany me through the days ahead. Am really not sure quite how to go about any of this, because it feels like such unchartered territory. But I already have around me a network of souls, who have borne me ever so gently thus far. Each day, I gather more and more strength from them, and lately I have noticed that fear is dissipating.
So, as 2013 comes to an end, I look back and see that it has been extremely eventful for me at every level: professionally, emotionally, and especially psychologically. Indeed thinking forward, I am full of hope, even excitement, and quite prepared to experiment with my Self further on the journey ahead.
A year ago at Mining Nuggets: A writer's blog