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February 27, 2005



Tamar: I love your posts. They go fearlessly to that place that we all spend so much energy running from. You are unique.



Tamar, do I know that young student....?


I think self worth is about knowing. Knowing that you have touched souls, knowing that you have acquired wisdom, looking in the mirror and knowing that you have bright, sparkling eyes.

I think sexuality is a very private thing. Even if men aren't looking at me I still feel sexy.

dan ramirez

Well. about all I can add to this insightful commentary is that at 63 it's all about how you "feel." It's all about "how" you feel. It's all about...................."you." Go girl. Go guy. Oh, by the way didn't Hemmingway finally cheat a little at the end?

Adriana Bliss

I found your blog in the way blogs are found - chance, comments, blog-hopping - and I love your posts, your thoughts, the way you write them. I sneak in here about sexuality because I turned 40 last year and well...I do find myself wishing for the days when I didn't have so much gray hair and boys in supermarkets didn't call me m'am. And in fact I have and do tie my self-esteem up in my sexuality and in these days of lowered sexuality due to a variety of reasons, I have felt the self-esteem drop often to an alarming degree all because...heads don't turn quite in the same way as before. Isn't it something to come across a stranger and see yourself?

Wonderful place I found here.


Ah, I see that Dan is back! So - do I see that men have a slightly different take on all of this? Or am I imagining it?

Adriana, welcome. I so agree with the way you say: "Isn't it something to come across a stranger and see yourself?" In the blogosphere or out "there" in the "real" world - I love that feeling! I shall enjoy getting to know your blog-home too!


Through lhombre's suggestion, I came to your site - and feel wonderful being here.

Yes, I know that sense of attractiveness disappearing... I was never comfortable with it, rarely looking at people when I was out, but, hey, when I wanted, I could use it to get attention. Now, oh, it's gone away, mostly (I'm 53 in a few days), except to older men than I am, and do I miss it? Not really. Silly perhaps to say, but I do enjoy openly smiling at people everywhere now without fear of being followed home. That's a gift.

But I suppose that one day I'll get so old that I'll be perceived as weird if I go about smiling like that...

Strange world of strange aging, for sure.


Brenda, welcome to the conversation. Am so glad you are participating! I guess sexuality and self worth is such a personal feeling. I recognize that many of us feel so differently about it. I am exploring my feelings although I think mine probably have always been unclear for me. I do believe I was socialized to connect my self worth with sexuality. It is freeing for me to be unlearning this and letting it go. But it is hard work, and sometimes painful. And perhaps it is also connected with becoming older. Who knows?


adriana - when I was 40 men still looked at me. particularly latino, black and working class white men. The only ones who really don't recognize you as a female any more after 40 are middle- and upper-middle class white guys. sorry if that sounds prejudiced, but it's my experience. i think if they did see anything attractive in you they'd immediately check themselves from some internalized other-guy perspective, like "What's wrong with HIM??" working class culture seems in THAT respect much gentler and more gallant. you're still a woman, and after menopause you have this special "Bloody Mary" privilege of being in on all the guy sex jokes, because THeY KNoW YOU KNOW.

I went through a whole sequence -- (I was a karate student and physically fit --and i had not been very confident of my attractiveness when i was young; I came into that late and then really enjoyed hell out of it for just a few years, in my 40s) -- a drunk said to me, "YOU'RE still together!" and then young guys would say, "Hey, you got a younger sister??" and then "Got a daughter?" now that i'm almost 60 they call me Mama or grandma or auntie and are very gallant, tender and respectful -- again these are the street kids, not the straight folks. they're very comforting.


Re:There only two reasons young women go to bed with men over 55, pity or greed, neither of which is very edifying!

Does that apply to women who are over 55 years old, too?

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