As if moving to a new city is not hard enough, I had to find a dentist! That would not be so bad except that I really am frightened of giving my mouth over to strangers.
It is a deep fear. Perhaps from another life. It feels further back than childhood. It is very, very deep.
When I seat myself into the dentist chair I start to tremble. It begins deep in my soul and then works its way up into all areas of my body. 
My hands and feet become cold and sweat breaks out on my palms. It is not a pretty sight.
Yesterday was just such a day. There was a lot to do. Teeth cleaning and two fillings. I settled in for the teeth cleaning. Just as it started to become unbearable the heavens smiled down on me and a fire alarm was sounded throughout the building.
Tens of people filed down the dozens of floors out into the street and as I stood there with the hygienist and dental crew I felt a camaraderie amongst us as everyone laughed and shared fire alarm stories. Just as I was thinking that this was a good time to make a run for it, we were called back into the building. Back in the elevators we trailed and once again I found myself in the Chair as they prepared me for the inevitable two fillings.
I was ready! The dentist arrived with his assistant. And then I have to say that I started to have fun. Yes - you heard me. Fun. First of all the dentist is close to my age and almost as good looking as me! He has a sense of humor and even as he shows me a gruesome video picture of my teeth on a screen, I cannot keep from laughing as out loud as I am able with the instrument moving about my mouth. What is this? My body is shaking from laughter, not fear? When one of the drills feels as if it is going through my brain I stretch my hand onto the arm of the chair. Andrea, the assistant, places a warm and comforting hand over mine. It is gentle and kind. Leonard, the dentist, stops his work and looks straight into my eyes. With a serious and caring gaze, he explains to me that there will be no pain and I have nothing to fear. I calm down.
As they start to push the filling into my tooth I hear the sounds of great music through a speaker above my head. I make a sign that I am enjoying the music and they turn it up louder. 
As they work, Len and Andrea are humming. My body is relaxed and I am enjoying the music. 
I was very confused as I walked down the street to catch my train home. I had a wonderful time at the dentist!
I was still humming the Crosby Stills Nash and Young tunes as I boarded my train and a smile was on my twisted face as I watched Philadelphia slip into the distance.
I am going to be okay, I said to myself. This town is all right.
For me, it's fear of pain, a result of much pain in the dentist's chair when I was a kid - a dentist who did not believe in novocaine. No matter that all that is different now - I cry. An old woman, even pumped full of novocaine, I cry. Tears dribble down my cheeks throughout the entire procedure. It doesn't matter that it doesn't hurt. I cry.
Posted by: Ronni Bennett | June 10, 2005 at 07:31 AM
Oh, and I cry to read your comment. You will, you must tell us about your new dentist the minute you find her or him!
Posted by: Tamar | June 10, 2005 at 07:34 AM