My Photo

« Emotional Evolution | Main | Be ready heart for parting, new endeavor »

February 25, 2005


Ronni Bennett

This story is about physical pain, but it taught me a lot about emotional troubles too:

Many years ago when I was in my early 20s, I was hospitalized with horrible abdominal pain. I'd felt nothing that awful before (and, thankfully, not since then either.) All the doctor's x-rays and other probing proved useless in identifying the cause and increasingly strong painkillers were about as useful as drinking water.

At first, I could only cry and scream. All the "now, nows" from the nurses enraged me, made it worse. They didn't know how badly it hurt. But after a day or so (I had no idea of time's passage), my tears dried up - no more left - my throat was too raw to scream anymore, and I quieted.

And then I found a way to maintain: I tried to imagine the physicalness the pain. What size was it? What shape - round, square, a blob? What color was it? Did it glow or was it dark? Where was it located - exactly - in my abdomen? Did it move around or stay in one place? Did it pulse or throb? Did it like me? Did it hate me? Did it want me to know something? And on and on.

Examining the pain in detail, not as whimsical as it sounds, led to acceptance, if not understanding.

I think we're saying the same thing.

Oh, and after about three days, it went away. No one ever knew what it was.


In fact I was referring to emotional pain as well as physical which is why your story is so apt here. I love the way you describe how you reached acceptance and understanding of your pain. In fact, that is exactly what I mean with regards to emotional pain too. One needs the space and support to be able to hold still without fear and work it out - as you did - and come to the other side wherever that may be!
I appreciate so much your sharing this story here.

The comments to this entry are closed.