Talking of getting older. It interests me how some people say they feel 20 when they are 50 or 30 when they are 80. Of course it has different meanings for everyone. 
Have I reached a stage of acceptance but I feel 55? I mean how can someone who is 55 really feel 15? Physically we are older at 55 than at 15. More forgetful, different digestive system and sleep habits and so on. What we probably mean is that emotionally we are stuck!
Lately I like feeling my age. Sure there are disadvantages physically at times. But on the whole I am so much more self assured and happier than when I was young. I am able to negotiate with my inner child more easily and find it less difficult to forgive. I experience love and compassion more deeply than ever before, and enjoy my solitude. I have more patience to listen to others and am more comfortable with unanswered questions or the mysteries of life. I have noticed that when I look in the mirror I am not so surprised to see gray hair or wrinkles, and I take great pleasure from spending time with my cats. Just sitting together and purring as we each meditate on personal matters - cats on tuna perhaps or the red cardinal that flew by - me on my next blog posting.
I remember being 8, 10,18, 20, 32, 40, 52 or any of those ages. Some of the memories are exhilarating and sensual. Some cause me great pain. They are all still a part of who I am now. I can pull them out at any time. I have no time for nostalgia today and wishing I was 20 again. What a period of angst and low self worth that was for me. I felt invisible, marginalized and undeserving of anything including education. I remember experiencing great joy when Gilad was born and Stanley sent me a bouquet of yellow roses when I was 23. Emotional memories enrich and enhance my life now but I feel 55. Tired and sad some days. Other times full of energy and joy. Many moments at peace and often genuinely grateful for people I love.
This is a good day. Let's see how I feel tomorrow.
What a nice way to approachg the day. I have a friend in Chicago who helped me through some very trying times. Times when even at the age of 60, for that was when it began, I wasn't able to draw on all the gifts that I was given from the past. But there was one thing he told me that has continued to play a major part in my recovery since then and the thoughts you shared today remmind me again. He said, "Dan, you have had one hell of an appetite throughout your life!.. But remember this,'you can't eat tomorrows lunch today!" The wonderful pace of your writing took me back to that moment just now. Thanks again for the journey.
As to Richard's book cover.................well?
Posted by: dan ramirez | February 22, 2005 at 05:58 PM
Tamar, I failed to mention that my comment was also directed toward "Lets see how I feel tomorrow." But.....you probably figured that out.
Posted by: dan ramirez | February 22, 2005 at 06:08 PM
Dan,
The cover looks similar to the work you are doing although not as contrasted.
I am sorry to hear that you have had some hard times even though I know how these things can sometimes strengthen us in ways we aren't always aware of. It sounds like you had/have a really good friend to support you through it. I hope things are better for you now? Although through your poetry and art you sound like you are thriving!
Posted by: Tamar | February 22, 2005 at 08:14 PM
Thanks for the thoughts Tamar. Yes, my art has kept me alive; in ways that I will always be greatful to my higher power for. And for all the other things I've been given. Like what's been transpiring on the blogs over the last few days! Oh yes, life is good! Thanks again.
Posted by: dan ramirez | February 22, 2005 at 10:09 PM
Tamar,
I always remember a line my friend's ex-boyfriend wrote to her on her birthday: age, to beautiful women, is like the feather on the wings of an angel, soft, white, pure, but never heavy; it adds up the beauty...
That is also what I got from this article of yours.
Age gracefully!
Posted by: Nian | February 22, 2005 at 10:56 PM
Nian, you are kind to me. That's because you have seen the "graceful" side of me. Smiles.
El, I think I am starting to feel the rumblings, beginnings of the in-tune state. How's about you? Are you in-tune? After all, you are one of my role models you know. I need to know how you are doing? Hugs.
Posted by: Tamar | February 23, 2005 at 07:32 AM
I'll drink to that too. Your writing makes me feel young and full of hope, Tamar. I have not yet experienced the rumblings of the in-tune state but I'm waiting.
Posted by: nappy40 | February 23, 2005 at 10:53 AM
Ah Nappy40 - I am thrilled that you feel young and full of hope from my writings. That has made my day!
The rumblings will come for you too. I am so sure of that. You have the courage to connect the within with the without and you share it so willingly with all of us.
Thank you so much.
Posted by: Tamar | February 23, 2005 at 11:27 AM