Finding a lost voice

Lately I have discovered an interesting phenomenon. Sometimes, after I have written in the blog like this, or this, I become hoarse as if I have been shouting or singing.

I lose my voice.

I have noticed that it usually happens after I am pleased or excited about the entry. Sometimes Tom calls me from work and says, "What's wrong with your voice?" I reply, "I've just finished posting in my blog." It surely sounds strange. By the end of the day I am almost whispering as if I had laryngitis!

Yesterday, after I had written about Bob, the therapist, I felt great. I stood up and walked around the apartment. Tom was hanging up Chinese artifacts he has received from grateful students over the years. "Oh boy, I am so pleased with my blog today," I started to say and, presto, hoarse voice again! Tom stared at me. After all, I had been sitting silently in my study for over an hour. Not a peep out of me. Not even a gentle humming of a tune. Nada. Silence. Voice gone.

Do I find my voice only to lose it again .. and again ... and again?

(spoken in a whisper)

Comments

[Always Question]

Happily, it shows in your writing that you invest yourself into your blog... but I've never heard of someone losing their voice that way. I think that's really neat!

[Ella]

I often feel exhausted even if it's a quite short text. Because I don't write in my own language I try to avoid the worst mistakes by checking words and grammar. But I often feel very pleased with myself as well ;).

[Adriana Bliss]

What a sweet, insightful entry. You've wrapped up some wonderful meaning into this idea - much to think about, what energy the writing pulls from a person and the counter-energy it creates.

[Brenda]

Now surely that is the Vishhuda, the throat chakra, a cornucopia center... -:) That your writing is so deeply in your body, that you are singing your songs to us, is very profound and beautiful. xo

[Tamar]

All of your comments have moved me deeply. I think I am becoming aware that I haven't, quite, found my voice yet. But I'm certainly on my way.

Thanks so much for listening to me and sharing your thoughts about this.

[amba]

You know how jazz pianists, when they play, sway their bodies and vocalize involuntarily? It's obvious that they are "singing" through the piano, that they've rerouted their voice through the instrument. Likewise deaf people who "speak" Sign and have obviously rerouted "vocalizing" through their hands. Singing (or talking) seems to be primary, and playing on the keyboard -- piano or computer -- is an offshoot of that. It's well known too that when we read or even think in words, the muscles of our mouth, throat and tongue are activated as we "speak" the words to ourselves.

Most of us have just suppressed this more than you have. It's wonderful that your writing still has this embodied quality, and even though there might be a negative meaning to "losing your voice" -- that particularly after a good post, you feel you've gone too far and need to be silenced -- I think there's also a positive one -- that you've just gone "all out" and sung your heart out.

[Tamar]

Amba, this makes perfect sense. I play the piano in that way when I play! My son almost moans as he plays - like Keith Jarred. Yes! And of course the computer keyboard is the same vehicle in that way.

This is so helpful to me because I do have that feeling that "I have sung my heart out." Thanks so much for this comment.

[Amy]

Are you drinking while you're sitting there all this time? Do you smoke?

[nappy40]

Amy, I think that would be me with the pinot-blogging.

[Tamar]

Nope - no drinking or smoking ...