And Know That Place For the First Time

Why do I blog? This is not exactly the same question as "what is the meaning of life" but it feels similar today. I am still not sure about this blog's purpose. That is to say, my purpose.

There is no overriding theme like world peace, political opinion, news watch/reporting or developmental life stages in my blog.

Journalling is a private matter. Is that what I'm doing? Who cares what I think? It is interesting for me to see how the Internet connects me to different parts of the world but I have no illusions or aspirations as to how many people will "tune in" as a must-read of my blog.

Anyone who thinks they are going to get the readership of Daily Kos, Instapundit, kottke or Doc Searls without putting in about half a decade delivering compelling, well-written, cogent ideas from a unique point of view on a daily basis needs a new, perhaps less demanding hobby. A good blog is work and the whiners would do well to tend to their own blog knitting, says Ronni.

Well, it's not that I'm whining, Ronni, but do I want to do the "work?" And what is a "good blog" anyway? And as for "well-written, cogent ideas" ...

Often I read other blogs that are days and weeks, miles and months, years and light years away and beyond so much better than anything I have ever written or even thought of writing. They make my dismal attempts of literary experiment seem so stupid and benign, irrelevant, frivolous and, yes, even shamefully inferior.

I don't feel like I'm whining and am not in the mood to return to "knitting" although when I was young I knitted, creating gorgeous, intricate sweaters and cardigans for all my boyfriends, lovers and husbands, as well as an exquisite shawl, teddy bear, and kangaroo for my new baby Gilad when we lived in Manchester that year, 32 years ago. I am not looking for encouragement or "attention" regarding why I should, or what is the purpose or meaning of my blog.

This is a personal exploration, a self-indulgent navel-gaze as I feel that my life lately, hangs, suspended in space.

And yet, as I share thoughts, feelings, ideas and opinions with "cyber friends" or shadows swinging on the airwaves of the blogosphere I feel curiously tuned in and part of something so much bigger than myself - a virtual universe of fellow travelers on some strange, ephemeral journey to who knows where. It becomes exhilarating and exciting. I even lose my voice through the sheer joy at singing self-expression silently.

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. T.S. Eliot

Must I conclude, therefore, that I blog for pure, selfish, unadulterated pleasure?

Comments

[Danny]

I hope you get a lot of "selfish, unadulterated pleasure" from your blog because you definitely give it to your readers. OY, when I read your paragraph about how other blogs "make my dismal attempts of literary experiment seem so stupid and benign, irrelevant, frivolous and, yes, even shamefully inferior," I thought that's exactly the kind of self-hating twaddle you never let me get away with! Lady, your blog is NONE of those things! I do agree with your assessment of blogs as "personal exploration and self-indulgent navel-gaze." I know there are other kinds but I vastly prefer the navel-gazing variety!

[Richard Lawrence Cohen]

Right on, Danny, and Tamar!

[Jean]

Mmm... I don't know why I do it, or if I can justify it... I know it's leading me to write a bit, which I rarely found the time and energy to do, and take some photographs, which I'd never done before. And both of these not only give me pleasure but make me focus and develop thoughts I might have left half-baked, go and look for things I don't know, and notice things I might not have noticed. All this feels positive.

It's definitely just for me. But if even the occasional reader likes it as much as I like some other people's, like yours - well, that's seems entirely positive too.

I've read a lot of Buddhist and other stuff about the benefits of staying with uncertainty, not having to know, to clarify everything. I guess it's also currently an exercise in that.

[Jean]

ps funny that you mention knitting...

[AlwaysQuestion]

Tamar, you ask that last question as though that would be a bad thing.
One day I had read a couple of blogs, and I thought to myself that it might be a good way to get out of my head. That's all it was. Not knowing from counters or tracking or whatever real bloggers do, I was just looking for a voice.
I like it that you read my stuff and I appreciate that you comment on it; but that's an unintended consequence, isn't it? I write to give voice to my thoughts. I wouldn't know how to start tailoring my thoughts to attract readers... nor would that meet my needs.

[Brenda]

I had a persistent writer's block, and blogging became a self-induced therapy... I was weighted with an impulse to write that I was blocking up somehow and needed to unleash it... The pressure to write was immense and yet words only trickled and never flowed... I started writing in a blog to force myself out of my solitariness. Then I started posting paintings and paintings-in-progress to get that part of my muse moving. Then I met a whole bunch of bloggers who have become friends who share in this writerly venture. And I met you, who are also from Zimbabwe, and I think that to "blog for pure, selfish, unadulterated pleasure" is the finest reason of all. xo

[Jean]

Great stuff people have written above, with which I also identify. And I'm particularly happy to have discovered Brenda's beautiful blog.

Just wanted to add something. I woke up this morning feeling cold with exhaustion, dragged myself up to go to work, like wading through mashed potato, thinking: I can't bear my life to feel like this.

On the bus, I starting thinking and writing something for my blog, collecting my thoughts, playing with words. By the time I got to work I felt completely different, a whole more active and optimistic part of me woken up and mobilised. I guess that is becoming my motivation, even if I didn't know it when I started. I think something like this is very likely common to many of the bloggers I enjoy reading,and it makes me happy to think that.

[Ronni Bennett]

You ask: "Who cares what I think?" Obviously, a lot of us. I think we each start blogging for as many different reasons as there are numbers of us, but in a short time that question becomes moot.

So many conversations get started, so many thoughts added, arguments articulated, reactions to world events discussed, question proposed and answered or not, but explored...

Where else can we find such intelligent, thoughtful conversations in our busy, daily lives outside blogging? There is just not the opportunity to meet such a rich variety of thinkers from so many places, backgrounds and points of view as here in the blogosphere.

I've never been so intellectually challenged on a regular basis than among the bloggers I read.

[Julie]

I blog because I love playing with words, and with sentences and with stories. I love to be able to condense a story and yet still say enough. It gives me physical pleasure. As I go about my work-a-day-world, snippets come into my head, coallesce and a story begins - presto. When I wander with my camera I no longer look at the whole picture: I look for snippets; I look for colour; I look for shape. When I sit down at my keyboard, I experiment with punctuation - with the visual impact of my story.

The journals that I keep coming back to are of the navel-gazing variety. I have made some wonderful friends from blogging whom I value highly.

[Tamar]

Am enriched by these comments as well as encouraged by you all to feel the pleasure of blogging. In fact, I hope to write something more about "pleasure" because it has become an intriguing subject for me lately. Especially since I read Carol Gilligan's "Birth of Pleasure."

Jean, I refer to knitting because above that I quote Ronni who suggests "whiners" should tend to "their own blog knitting."

Always Question: I love how you talk about "tailoring thoughts to attract readers" and yet I am sure that we do that even subconsciously and certainly often times consciously which is what makes the blog so appealing. We tell our stories to someone even as we are talking to ourselves.

Danny, thanks for not allowing me to dwell on self-hatred! It never fails to raise its ugly head over and over again.

Am delighted that you, who have stopped by to comment here, enjoy reading my blog because I have to say that I enjoy yours too - so much!