You detect me

If I had had a daughter she would have been named Clara after my father's mother, the wife of the Rabbi of Rhodes. Every time my father would remember and talk of her to me, tears would well up in his eyes. As it goes with the twists and turns of life and such, I was unable to have a Clara. However, throughout my life I have had a few surrogate daughters. Young girls or women who became close to me for one reason or another. I took them under my wing much like surrogate mothers and mentors did for me during my life.

One of these young women has been a type of savior for me these past months alone in Philadelphia. With her home of origin in Taiwan, she came here from Buffalo to continue her doctoral studies with Tom. Like me all is new for her in Philadelphia. Recently, her friend, Nian, had read my comment wondering if there is a Mother's Day cake, and called her to make sure to bring one to me. And so, on Mother's Day Leanne arrived later than we had planned for our outing because she was dutifully searching all over Chestnut Hill for a cake for me. She was as disappointed as could be when she could find not a single one, and loudly proclaimed about her frustration, "Not a single one, Tamar! Not a single one!"

Leanne brought me flowers and a charming card with the words: "Thanks for all you do." She wrote on the envelope: "To someone like a Mom to me," and inside the card inscribed:

Dear Tamar, I am very grateful to have a friend like you. Those blog articles and comments, our Friday grocery shopping and creek-side walking, and your TAZO CHAI (how can I forget it!?) occupied a large part of my happy memories of landing in Philadelphia! Thank you for your spirit-life, words and friendship. Wish you laughter, happiness, and energy on Mother's Day and always! Leanne

That night we all went out to dinner celebrating Mother's Day. It was a joyous meal filled with much laughter as it so often is with Leanne. At some point in the conversation she asserted that she is a serious person. Perhaps she thought we did not know that because she likes to joke around and act happy-go-lucky. I said, "Of course you are! That's why you joke around so much - to cover it up."

She smiled and replied quietly, "Ah, you detect me."

I clapped my hands in delight. "What a wonderful expression!" I exclaimed. Then I shared with her that I had been feeling uncomfortable during the evening when she had been talking about her mother's anticipated arrival to visit in June. I realized that I was starting to feel a little jealous, "Hey! I thought I was Leanne's mother!" I explained.

It was Leanne's turn to clap her hands and exclaim in delight, "Ah, I am beloved!"

Today I realized how lucky I am. These past months while I have been bemoaning my fate and cherishing my alone time inside my cave, I have not acknowledged the kindness, support and company of dear Leanne. Yes indeed, Leanne, I do detect you.

I detect our shopping for groceries as we seek out places that feel familiar all the while missing our old Wegmans; I detect the laughs we shared as I ordered 15 boxes of TAZO CHAI from the Internet, for fear that in all of Philadelphia I would never find my favorite tea again; I detect you as we walked by the Wissahickon Creek worrying about the large black duck and helping little Noah find his Dad; I detect you for the elaborate and delicious meal you prepared for us; I certainly detect you for calling me when you found a Wegmans 40 minutes away so that you could share the joy and delight at having found our favorite store again; I detect you for always drinking TAZO CHAI when you come to see me so that I can use it all up since I have found a million different stores selling my favorite tea; I detect you for bringing me back to Tibet in my next life; I detect you for the beautiful Mother's Day flowers; and I detect you for the Mongolian exhibit we will go and see together when you return from Buffalo.

Indeed, I thank you for "your spirit-life, words and friendship. [and I] Wish you laughter, happiness, and energy." More than that, I thank you for "occupying a large part of my happy memories of landing in Philadelphia!"

And, yes, Leanne, you are beloved!

Comments

[Nian]

Wow, Tamar, what should I say after reading such a moving piece?

I believe Dr. Jacobson and I are the two who understand the best of the special connection between you and Leanne; or, maybe I know better than he does because Leanne and I, sometimes like muddled birds lost on their tracks in the skies, have seen you as our cheer-leader in the long race of life, whose grace,wisdom and sensitivity have unintentionally helped us to accept the challenges our life has bestowed. I'm keenly aware of the motherly and mentorly and friendly love from you, and keenly aware of the precious feelings you harbored when writing this beautiful message.

I'm sure Leanne will be tearful when she reads it.

Tamar, thank you for being so wonderful a lady!

[Jean]

What a great phrase of Leanne's - I shall remember that! To be detected - perceived, understood... what we all need, maybe more than anything save food and water.

[Tamar]

Nian, Soon your friend will be with you. I hope you have a great time together. And thank you so much for wanting me to have cake on Mother's Day!

Jean, I agree. I loved the phrase so much, I can't get it out of my mind!