Missing childhood

Quote of the day:

It is a great comfort, as one advances through later life, to have those formidable banners of earlier what-a-day experience to bear aloft in times of apparent strife, that shrink to minor molehills in the face of such deep history.  Pure Land Mountain

While visiting at "Old Hoss" this week, I came upon the Meme of the missing childhood. I've seen it up at a few sites and it has given me pause for reflection. The problem for me was thinking about five things I missed in my childhood. While driving to the grocery store, walking down by Wissahickon Creek, digging out weeds in my garden, feeding Molly and Ada, puffing and panting on the treadmill, and even as I was thinking about recipes for my SBD menu I struggled to come up with five things that I missed about my childhood. It was becoming frustrating indeed. Was it memory loss? Or that my childhood wasn't memorable? Or is it the fact that I am becoming more and more accepting of being who I am right here, right now?

I remember a few years ago reading Revolution From Within: A Book of Self-Esteem by Gloria Steinem. The book had such a powerful effect on me that I quoted her a million times too many while I was writing my own book, Confronting Our Discomfort. So much so, thank goodness Danny (my editor) wrote an e-mail to remind me that I was the author of my book, not Gloria! At the end of her chapter: It's Never Too Late for a Happy Childhood, she writes:

If all of this talk of reparenting oneself still seems mysterious or unlikely, just start with one exercise: Write down on this page, in whatever order or way they come to you, the things you wish you had received in your childhood - and did not:

And then she leaves the paper blank underneath for the reader to write their list of things. On the next page it says:

You have just written what you should do for yourself.

I remember that list coming very easily to me. It was a deeply moving exercise that I still refer to from time to time. It supports me, not only in making good and healthy decisions for myself, but also in being responsible for my life, letting go of a victim-type mode and to stop blaming others for my experiences and choices.

But, now, back to the Meme of the Missing Childhood (or at least, that's how I like to call it!). Finally I decided, there simply have to be at least 5 things that I miss from my childhood. Even if no-one tagged me for it. After all, TJ came up with his in a flash: missing fishing with his Dad or together with his middle brother asking the youngest to do things that the older two might get into trouble for - like taking cookies.

So, here they are. Please appreciate the difficulty I have had with this (for whatever reason) and forgive me if they are totally lame!

I miss:

1. Eating cotton candy (or candy floss as we used to call it in Africa) at the Luna Park (translation: fun-fair) with my Dad on Sundays.
2. Playing dinky cars (or Matchbox cars?) with my nephew who is only two years younger than me. He taught me how to make the sound of a truck by flapping my lips together and pushing air through them at the same time, as we competed for parking spaces with the little cars we pushed and drove playing around in his bedroom.
3. Playing with my dolls.
4. Writing notes with Mimi.
5. Going out at night with the whole family for dinner and to see the latest movie or show in town that my Granny had bought tickets for.

I conclude this exercise with a quote from Old Horsetail Snake because I don't think there is a way of saying it any better than this:

If you think of anything else in my childhood that I should be missing, please let me know so you can be roundly ignored. ("Roundly ignored" is probably my favorite cliche of all time, and that's why you are being blessed with it today.)

Comments

[Brenda]

A beautiful entry! ...and that list that you did for Gloria sounds very powerful and healing in a long term change-your-perceptions change-your-life kind of way! Now I want to get her book... and of course yours. xo

[Tamar]

Brenda, thanks for your interest in my book!

[melinama]

Interesting, you had the same feeling of hesitation I did. Though there are things I feel nostalgic for, I am not nostalgic for childhood and my memories have a slightly nightmarish aura about them...

[Tamar]

melinama,
Am thrilled to find you on my blog! In fact, you describe exactly how I feel about my childhood memories: "a slightly nightmarish aura."