Learning to blog (update)

Day three of 7 month blog anniversary celebrations.

I don't know about you, but I have done most of my learning by observing and listening. Ever since I was a small child I would try and keep my distance, stand quietly by and just watch. For example I learned to hum or sing while I do housework from listening to our servants back in Rhodesia when I was growing up. It didn't matter what they did: waxing and shining the hardwood floors on their hands and knees, cleaning out the toilets and bath, scrubbing our sheets and clothing on a washboard, clipping hedges with large scissors or standing for hours watering the lawn with a hose - they always hummed or sang repetitive tunes with a heart beat rhythm. Sometimes I would lie up in my room in bed sick with the flu, close my eyes and just listen to the sound of Nanny Margaret as she worked. It would fill me with peace and comfort to hear the rhythmic African tunes, melodies that still bring tears to my eyes when I hear them now far away in Philadelphia-land. To this day I find myself humming or singing out loud as I wash out my toilets, vacuum carpets or dig out weeds in the yard.

Of course I have learned a tremendous amount by reading books, journals, newspapers and certainly from movies, plays, and art museums. I have had some inspiring teachers who have told me about facts, research and statistics, and given me knowledge that I carry within my brain forever. But most of what I have learned about social emotional or cultural behavior and mores has been by observation and listening to those around me. A person can talk to me all they like about kindness and human rights. But if I observe them having difficulty lending a cup of sugar, taking a person in need into their home, or making biased, derogatory comments about who they consider as minorities, I learn that words are empty and meaningless without deeds and actions to back them up.

Moving from Africa to Israel, through Europe and America, I learned most of my socio-cultural behaviors by watching and listening. However, I have also allowed myself to ask questions. For example I might ask, "Is it customary to do this or that?" or say, "I am not from here so I was wondering what would be acceptable for me to do/say in this or that instance?" And one of my biggest lessons of all is that at some point, at one or another time, in this or that situation or circumstance, invariably, I am going to hurt some-body's feelings. It is inevitable. And that is okay. It is part of learning how to interact and communicate with people who are different from me in culture, life experience, age, perspective, gender, attitude, color, ability, intelligence or style. Mostly, when I ask if I have hurt them, am not frightened or defensive to hear that I have, and am able to genuinely apologize, we are able to move towards understanding one another. Of course it helps when I do not judge how a person should take what I have said or done. After all, each person's level or tolerance of pain is different. I can never know what it feels like to be in another person's shoes. Not really. Who am I to say, "You should be over this or that by now?" How would I know that? Even if I have had similar experiences, I am a different person, genetically and environmentally. In fact, I have no right to judge another person's pain at all.

Learning to blog is no different from any other cultural experience I've had. No one taught me how or what I can or should do. Yes, I have the TypePad software that guides me through the technical process of posting, linking or inserting pictures. However, I have had to learn the culture of blogging by observing, reading, and listening through the written words of others. These are some of the things I've learned about blogging culture these past seven months:

1. There is a hierarchy, class or elite system. Some people are known as "mega" bloggers while others are peons, plebs, novice or underlings. Certainly Blogher recently raised awareness that there are gender issues in this (patriarchal?) system.
2. People are mindful of the status of others, using Technorati, TLB or stats counters of various descriptions as we/they decide whether to compete or not ... and yet ... can we/they not?
3. There is an etiquette to linking. If another blogger is mentioned or there is a reference on the Internet, linking is practiced.
4. Some people have a blog roll where they link to other sites. This is one of the areas where the elite system comes into play. Who links to whom and why? It can be very helpful or valuable for becoming known or popular to whom one is linked or not. Sometimes it seems related to political viewpoint. I have heard  or surmised that some will only link to those who link to them. I have read posts where clearly people are excited to be recognized by bloggers they consider important, popular or mega.
5. There is a blogger jargon with specific abbreviations and its own form of slang. In order to navigate within and understand the culture of blogging, It is helpful to learn its language. For example, only very recently I learned BTW and ROFL ("by the way" and "rolling on the floor laughing") which I use frequently to acquaint myself so as to feel more at home with the jargon.
6. There seems to be some debate about what constitutes a good blog. It sometimes has to do with the style or content of writing. Some judge blogs on whether they are too personal or not intimate enough. Emotional intelligence is sometimes considered inferior to cognitive and scientific. Others are loved for the amount of dynamic, up-to-date information they provide. Blogs that have a specific focus or theme. And of course there are blogs that have amazing pictures, photographs or multi-media components.
7. Comments is another aspect of blogging culture. It seems to me that many blogs invite comments. However, there are those who allow communication only through private e-mails, thus discouraging open discussion at their site.

Interactions with others, as in any culture, help form relationships and friendships in the blogosphere. I have found that many bloggers of all ages, cultures, nationalities, religions, gender, or abilities have been supportive and encouraging as I try to learn my way in this cyber or virtual world. There have been very few bloggers who I have encountered that are cynical, unfriendly, snobbish or disrespectful. In point of fact, I have felt that way about every culture I've lived in. It seems that also depends on me and my attitude. If I reach out and try to watch and listen without judgment, and learn to respect where each person is at, I make deep and lasting friendships. It is literally a two-way street - virtual or real.

I am sure that I have missed or left out a lot. But I am only slightly emerging from the Novice Blogger stage and there is still so much for me to learn about the culture, as well as the technical process. I guess I'll just have to keep on watching and listening.

And perhaps, along the way, you will continue to show and support me, and share patiently what you have learned so that we might develop this ever-evolving culture compassionately, cooperatively, and collaboratively ... together.

Oh yeah - and, of course, link to me from time to time!

Update:

Ernesto Priego from Never Neutral joins the conversation:

Because, in my book, linking is a form of showing respect, I feel honored when another blogger mentions this site, not because of the traffic it may bring -of course- but for the mere fact of discovering that someone else, out there, is liking what I do. 

There's more here.

Thanks for the link, Ernesto, and "Thank you ... for being out there, writing."

Comments

[adriana bliss]

You've done a perfect job of summarizing the blog world!

[purple_kangaroo]

So true. It is a learning experience. But at the same time, I'm discovering that there's a certain amount of need to just worry about what I enjoy when blogging rather than trying to fit into someone else's mold.

[celia blue]

you've described the blogosphere so accurately. there is a hierarchy at work here-- and i hadn't really thought of that before. thx for bringing up the topic.

human beings always seem to "good-better-best" every thing they touch, don't they?!

[AlwaysQuestion]

I remember it bowled me over that two people read and left comments on my first-ever post. I was thinking in terms of a personal journal, and people were reading and critiquing it!
I still don't have any metrics on my site... I'm not sure that there's an upside to them. There would either be so many hits that I'd be intimidated (and what if they started going down?)... or not enough. There's enough tsuris in my life this month.

[Winston]

I often have folks ask me what blogging is all about and how to get started learning about it. From now on I will replace my mumbling with a link to this post. Good tutorial, Tamar!

[Mark Daniels]

My basic feeling is that the best blogs come from people with an interest or a passion in the things that they write about. Some days, that may mean that a somewhat small (but loyal) group of folks read it. On other days, you write something that really interests others and they link to the piece.

The biggest mistake I've seen bloggers make is writing simply to please a larger audience. It kills the vitality and attractiveness of what they write as far as I'm concerned.

I appreciate the honesty of what yo write, Tamar. That honesty is what makes your blog "work."

[Danny]

Love your description of blogging culture! And I agree with Mark that writing to please a larger audience is the death knell of any blog. We have to write what we're passionate about even if people think we're nuts or run screaming to another blog (as I often feel is the case with mine!). I'd love to hear you expound more on the topics above. I always appreciate when people have blogrolls because I like to see who they're reading. It boggles my mind that someone would have a blog and not allow comments. What's the point? That's not a blog, it's a lecture!

[Tom Shugart]

What a delight to have discovered your blog! And, icing on the cake, to find that I'm on your blogroll. This is exactly the kind of experience that makes blogging so rewarding. Discovery. Surprise. Extension of one's universe,and all of those things you so perceptively noted in this most excellent post.

You've really nailed what this spehre, or space, is about. In chronological terms you may be only slightly past the novice stage, but in terms of what's on the page, you're way beyond that.

Your voice is marvelous. As one who has been at this blogging game for over three years, it looks to me like there's a lot I can learn from you, rather than the other way around.

I'm looking forward to visiting here often. And it goes without saying that you're going up on my blogroll forthwith.

Congratulations once again, Tamar, on a great blog! And thank you so much for putting me on your blogroll.

[The Lady]

LOVE your post, Tamar and everyone's comments.

Blogging is a hobby, an escape from my job that requires me to provide up-to-date, dynamic info minus my opinions.

Monkey Town gets virtually no comments compared to "real world" blogs. Of 1,400+ "hits" since July 26, four people have left comments. Don't you think that's interesting? Two were from regular readers (thanks Tamar!) and one from someone who mentioned subscribing - the ultimate compliment.

I also read something somewhere comparing blogging to cb radio popularity in the 70s.

Any comments on that?

[Melinama]

This post resonates with me, too, as do the comments. You have great readers! When I got interested in my "stats" I became a morose blogger. When I decided to quit looking, the fun came back. I agree that having readers who comment really helps, and that getting linked feels like an honor. Thanks for your comment on my BATS post. It made me chuckle and feel brave.