Never okay

Bumper sticker on my car.

Back in 2001 I bought it from Alfie Kohn for a dollar at a conference in Syracuse. I love the idea that children read it.

Comments

[ernesto Priego]

Interesting it should be on a bumper sticker. In Spanish it would not work like that (I ignore, due to my own unfamiliarity with the English language, if the bumper sticker is self-conscious of the irony created by the message it intends to convey and the medium or support it has chosen to transmit it). While, in Spanish, "golpear" (to hit, as in "to hit a child) could be used to talk about hitting something with a car, you'd rather use "chocar" (to hit, with your car, against another car or object) or "atropellar" (to run over, or to hit someone with a car). In my opinion, to say "it's never o.k. to hit a child", in a BUMPER sticker, somehow suggests that it would be o.k. to hit, with your car, someone else rather than a child... I agree with the message -I detest when adults hit children, no matter their "reason" to do it-, but, I don't know, in a bumper sticker...

[adriana bliss]

Thank you, Ernesto, for pointing one of the failings of the English language - how limited it is!

[Ronni Bennett]

I hit a kid once.

Friends were staying with me in my house in rural, upstate New York where I cooked and heated the kitchen with a woodburning stove. I'd explained to the kid, when the family arrived, the rules of house which consisted of: don't run in the house and don't go near the stove.

Throughout the first day, I snatched up the boy as he repeatedly ran lickety-split into the kitchen. He and I had the conversation about the hot stove several times.

When, in the late afternoon, as I was deep into cooking for a dinner party that night, wielding hot, bubbling pots and pans over most of the stove top, the kid again arrived at top speed into the kitchen aiming straight for the stove with his arms outstretched in front of him.

Scared the you-know-what out of me and I scooped him up by the waist with one arm and whacked his bottom with my other hand - hard enough to produce a yelp.

An argument ensued with the boys' parents over my whacking the kid. I could only respond with a question; which do you prefer, a sore bottom or his hands burnt off?

And I'd do again in the same circumstance. By the way, the kid stopped running in the house and avoided the stove for the rest of his visit.

[Joel]

Many people would agree that it is never OK to hit anyone, but then they depersonify their own children. This Cult of Dobson here in the U.S.A. makes it into a sacrament. "Hit your kid so that he will become a good person."

Maybe some people become better because they were hit, but I doubt it. Most just carry the disease of violence along.

I read a book about the origins of teen violence and this author -- a fundamentalist "pscyhotherapist" -- concluded that they were bad seeds. He talked about children who "terrorized" their parents, apparently never investigating family histories very deeply or feeling it necessary to send the kid on for diagnosis. He knew the answer and that was good enough for him.

The scary part was that he advised Republican presidents on their crime policies. In my opinion, he was a criminal -- a quack.

This brings back hard memories for me, of course. When I write of it, I feel like a pulverized block of cement -- scattered.

Sorry that I have been scarce, BTW.

[Tamar]

Both interesting points here from Ronni and Joel. It's good to hear from you again, Joel.

From what I understand about early childhood and our earliest childhood memories, it is never okay to hit a child. We can always get our point across by following through, and with firm, assertive and respectful setting of boundaries.

One of my favorite authors who writes about the effect forceful or violent solutions has on children is Alice Miller.

It's a big topic: Discipline versus punishment. Perhaps another blog post, eh?

[Tamar]

Ernesto,
I can see how a bumper sticker might be confusing - in fact, a close friend of mine once remarked about that - as you did - and they speak English only.

However, I still think it's great that children can read it!