Tamarika

It's odd how your life turns out to be useful

Driving to and from work I listen to Geneen Roth as she describes "eating guidelines." I enjoy her soothing, sweet, intelligent and comical voice as she urges me to think about childhood emotional deprivation and how it directly affects my eating habits. She loves Leonard Cohen's saying:

Everything has a crack. That's how the light gets in.

I love it too. Ah, so that's what all those cracks in me are useful for! I get it now.

A couple of days ago I heard Salmon Rushdie interviewed on Radio Times. He said a number of things which made me shake my head up and down, and sometimes even let out a little gasp in agreement:

It's odd how your life turns out to be useful, he said.

Understanding someone like Hitler, Sadam Hussein etc. does not mean exonerating them, he said. Instead it increases Rushdie's expectation, even more, for their responsibility to choose between right from wrong.

Contentment in the unremarkable

Quote of the day:

But few of us are good at slowing down to notice or, rather, at sustaining it for long, and perhaps it is important that we appreciate the ordinary only occasionally and almost always in retrospect. Perhaps leaving unnoticed the routine activities necessary to the maintenance of life is how we keep moving forward and that there is measure of contentment in the unremarkable. Ronni Bennett

This just in ...

... from a colleague today ...

I wasn't sure if you all heard this... also, I'm wondering when the AP will stop using the phrase "poor children" ...

Published September 22, 2005

Head Start vote splits over religion

WASHINGTON (AP) - The House voted Thursday to let Head Start centers consider
religion when hiring workers, overshadowing its moves to strengthen the
preschool program's academics and finances.

The Republican-led House approved a bill to renew the Head Start program through
2011. The bill includes a provision that would let churches and other
faith-based preschool centers hire only people who share their religion yet
still receive federal tax dollars.

Democrats blasted that idea as discriminatory.

Launched in the 1960s, the nearly $7 billion Head Start program provides
comprehensive education to more than 900,000 poor children. Though credited with
getting children ready for school, Head Start has drawn scrutiny as cases of
financial waste and questions about academic quality have surfaced nationwide.

Overall, the House bill would insert more competition into Head Start grants,
require greater disclosure of how money is spent and try to improve
collaboration among educators in different grades. Yet on Thursday, the dispute
over religion eroded the bipartisan support for Head Start's renewal.

The House passed the bill 231-184; only 23 Democrats voted for it.

My reply: "As we descend into an Age of Darkness, we must preserve pockets of light."

Bloggers roll

Talk about good blogging and great writing! I feel privileged to have these guys on my blogroll. A mere comment just doesn't cut it here.

A great read at: fp and DM

A has been

I googled that expression today. A has been. A status that connotes failure. One of the entries was a piece about William Shatner who, it seems, said that "better a has been than a never been," and "after a has been ... might again."

Now then. Why on earth would I be looking up such an expression? Who would? Who has the time for such delvings and dippings?

Out of confidence or reality check?

Am I a has been?

And what does that mean for me?

I have been:

A university child care center director, preschool kindergarten teacher, presenter, author, adjunct instructor, without degrees, with degrees, Rhodesian, Israeli, to different countries, single, married, divorced, lonely, safe, grieving, empty, unhappy, joyous, rejected, accepted, loved, unloved, hated, despised, angry, willing, unwilling, able to say yes, unable to say no, pregnant, ill, healthy, thin, fat, emotionally deprived, fulfilled, plump, ballet dancer, young, sexy, vivacious, tired, weary, unemployed, work-a-holic, a child, a girl, in therapy, out of therapy, a therapist, board member, committee chair, compassionate, cold, hot, unkind, truthful, not so truthful, spiritual, soulful, singer, tennis player, breast feeder, dog lover, cat woman, maid of honor, good and evil, Jewish, Unitarian, atheist, enlightened, in the dark ... in the dark ... in the dark ...

I know, I know. I feel anonymous, as if the past is wiped out and am starting from scratch. It is lonely and tiring. I feel oh, so weary, and worthless. Over and over again I hear me ... or is it me? ... saying in my brain, over my left shoulder, in the car as I drive and drive, walking into classrooms, meetings, around the town, whispering, shouting, yowling, howling:

What's it all about?

Have been listening to Geneen Roth and thinking about emotional deprivation. Is she talking to me, about me? I want time and space to unpack the concept of emotional deprivation but I know that hurts so much ... thinking about the past, childhood stuff again.

Am struggling to keep on keepin' on.

I ask myself:

As a has been ... might I again?

I could really do with some of Nelly's pancakes and home-made fresh rasberry sauce ...

Mother to Son

Quote of the day:

To be quite oneself one must first waste a little time. Elizabeth Bowen

I was reminded of one of my favorite poems today.

It had been given to me in 1989 by a student because it reminded her of me.

Mother to Son
by Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now—
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Remembering old friends

Looking through photographs. Remembering Thanksgiving last year. Oh how we sang!

Have you seen ...

THIS? You can always trust Doug Ireland for the good stuff!

Old but still good

Pratie says it's old but good ... read it here. There are some great other jokes too. Made my day!

Life in the fast lane

Driving down the highways towards work, weaving in and out of traffic jams, feeling the rush of cars as they whiz by me I sense that I have joined a different world, another culture, a new league. Am always amazed and relieved when I arrive at my destination, and there is even a feeling of achievement. It is almost as if I have become an adult. In Buffalo there is a saying that everywhere is only twenty minutes away. And, in a way, that was true. Life was slower, easier, more quiet even with the 7 to 7 workload I had back there.

Have I joined the "real" world? Jungle highways, cut-throat and competitive academia. I've been at this for three weeks and already I am looking to see what more I can take on to "make the grade," "fit in," "make the cut," get it right, get it right, get it right ... Is this the "real" world? Way back in the 80's I took a Bioenergetics course with Rafi Rozen. One evening after group work with massages and tears, we all came together for our usual farewell. Ten of us sat cross legged in a circle, held hands and breathed in and out slowly, together feeling each others energy. One of the men in the group sighed loudly, "Oh, and now back to the real world." Some of us nodded with our eyes closed feeling the pain at separation from the intimacy and community around us at that moment.

Rafi replied softly, gently, "No, no. This is the real world."