Driving down the highways towards work, weaving in and out of traffic jams, feeling the rush of cars as they whiz by me I sense that I have joined a different world, another culture, a new league. Am always amazed and relieved when I arrive at my destination, and there is even a feeling of achievement. It is almost as if I have become an adult. In Buffalo there is a saying that everywhere is only twenty minutes away. And, in a way, that was true. Life was slower, easier, more quiet even with the 7 to 7 workload I had back there.
Have I joined the "real" world? Jungle highways, cut-throat and competitive academia. I've been at this for three weeks and already I am looking to see what more I can take on to "make the grade," "fit in," "make the cut," get it right, get it right, get it right ... Is this the "real" world? Way back in the 80's I took a Bioenergetics course with Rafi Rozen. One evening after group work with massages and tears, we all came together for our usual farewell. Ten of us sat cross legged in a circle, held hands and breathed in and out slowly, together feeling each others energy. One of the men in the group sighed loudly, "Oh, and now back to the real world." Some of us nodded with our eyes closed feeling the pain at separation from the intimacy and community around us at that moment.
Rafi replied softly, gently, "No, no. This is the real world."
No, no, I'm absolutely convinced it is NOT the real world! The real world is the precious knowledge and experience you have to share with your students. And sharing yourself and all your values with them. And nurturing whatever you need to nurture in yourself and your life in order for you to flourish and be able to keep passing that on. It's fine to 'cope' and fit in in a fast and success-oriented world, if that means you can contribute the precious things you have to contribute there. But if coping, competing, becomes the central motivation, it's not fine and it's not real and it's such a waste.
Posted by: Jean | September 20, 2005 at 07:18 AM
Jean, your comment reaches right into my soul. I thank you for it. After I had written this post, suddenly the air seemed clear and a weight which has been heavy and tense lately, seemed to be lifted from my shoulders and behind my eyes. I stared out at the huge old oak tree and breathed deeply in and out. Just like those wonderful evenings with Rafi Rozen.
And then your comment. Perfect! How are you always there right when I need you!
I realized, too, that 22 years later I remember the words and teachings of Rafi Rozen. We really have no idea about what impact we have on our students. How exciting to think that some might even look back and remember things I said to them - 22 years hence!
What did I ever do without my blog? And without you, Jean?
Posted by: Tamar | September 20, 2005 at 09:40 AM
I clicked to comment and then I read Jean's comment. And Tamar, I too felt that Jean's comment reached deep inside of me; "if coping, competing becomes the central motivation, then its not fine and its not real and its such a waste."
yes, there is so much of what is human and humanity that is being wasted. What is real, really real, is being wasted. I suppose what I'm trying to say here is that I wonder if so much "coping and competing", somehow cuts us off from "intimacy and community". And that is a waste.
Tamar, years ago in a therapy group the facilitator said at one point to me; "always try to honour your feelings." At the time I did not understand what he meant, I thought I was being criticised. Then gradually I began to understand from somewhere within myself, that he had been guiding me. And his words still guide me. I imagine there are students who will as the meaning reaches them remember your words too. And your guidance will be recalled and lived.
Posted by: ainelivia | September 21, 2005 at 08:21 AM
Dear ainelivia,
Thanks so much for your support and words of wisdom. Yes, that is hard, isn't it, "honoring our feelings," when during most of our childhoods we are taught subtly and not so subtly to repress them!
How do we honor that which we have become numb to or unaware of?
Posted by: Tamar | September 23, 2005 at 08:19 AM