One for the bone chewers

Home is home. Driving out of the snow and into the sun the further South we traveled. We were quiet. Sad to say goodbye from dear, dear friends. Molly and Ada seemed pleased to see us. The mail sorted in neat piles. Thanks, Leanne.

Laundry churning, coffee brewing, watering plants and birds feeding. Did we go anywhere at all? Back to normal so fast.

But memories are vivid. Dear friends, good food, laughter, Sasha the snowy white cat, shoveling snow, slipping and sliding, lights twinkle through the white-out. In the end we decided that a commune would work for us. In the mountains or by the sea - perhaps in Australia one day. The only problem might be that Bob and I both like to chew the bones clean and then how would Cheryl and Tom make soup stock? Cheryl said we would prepare two birds. One for the bone-chewers and the other for soup. How we enjoyed spending time with Anya and Dylan! Youthful, gentle, intellectual, sensitive.

Our Thanksgiving dinner tables full of 25 people from everywhere. Singapore, Japan, Australia, Philadelphia, Buffalo. Do I count as a Rhodesian, Zimbabwean, Israeli, American? I especially enjoyed Shuzo as we talked about spirituality and interconnectedness. His eyes flashed and gleamed as he accepted Charlie into our conversation and spoke of relationships, a beloved wife, Buddhism, animism with depth and passion.

In Buffalo, familiar streets and fond memories. We drive by our old house to see that it has been painted yellow and green. It does not feel like home any longer. And yet as we drove home into Philadelphia I started to weep uncontrollably. Waves of grief and longing rose up to greet me, surprising me from somewhere in my brain hidden from view all the seven hours of travel. Marion said, "Tam, it takes two years." Perhaps she is right. It is almost one year since the move.

Gulping back the tears, I return to myself ... here and now ...

The old oak tree outside my living room window is quite bare and winter on its way.

Comments

[Brenda]

What a beautiful expression, one I could personally identify with. Vancouver, for all its beauty and the couple of amazing people I came to know and love, wasn't home. My heart was always in Toronto. So I came back, although the transition has not been easy. And I find in the intervening 2 years I have changed more than I could have thought possible. I've come back with different priorities, and not wanting to follow an academic route any more. We'll see what the future holds. This time in Philadelphia, you may also look back on it as remarkable in its own way. Though when I read of your tears, more than anything I'd like to see you return to where your heart is, home. hugs xo

[Joel Sax]

I keep hoping that one of these years I'll get a Thanksgiving like that. Right now, it seems like what I do get is one Turkey Day after another. Can this go on?

Stay tuned.

And I'm glad Buffalo was fun for you. Enjoy the good days when you can. :)

[Dylan]

Tamar,

I enjoyed seeing you again, as always. You're such a pleasure to be with. After Thanksgiving I told Anya how delightful it was to spend time with you and Tom, and she agreed.

Please tell Tom how much fun I had talking with him. It's wonderful talking with someone who is intelligent as he is, but is humble and unpretentious.

I'm sorry we weren't able to have lunch on Friday, but I'm looking forward to the holidays next year when we can all get together again.

Take care,
Dylan.

[Winston]

Glad you had such a wonderful reunion with friends and a pleasant Thanksgiving holiday. It has been said that we can never go back, and that is true in so many ways. In most cases. I think that is a good thing.

[Tamar]

Yes, Winston, many times I have had the feeling you describe: you can never go back. Am not sure if it is good or bad - it just *is.* Because even if I was to return to wherever it was I left, it would be a different time period, a changed me, and new circumstances. Indeed, it is never the same again.

Dylan, Tom and I were thrilled to read your comment this morning. Thank you. Yes, we look forward to all being together again sometime soon. Have a Happy Holiday Season: you and Anya both.

Hey Joel! Thanks for stopping by. Beware of those turkey days one after another!

Dear Brenda,
Yes, we have both been through some transitions this year. I am gratified to be accompanied by your journey as I travel mine! Home is in my brain, with Tom, my kitties, and, lately, where my blog is! Thanks to bloggers like you.
Smiles.

[Jean]

Ah, this burst of weeping should be seen as a celebration, I think - a celebration of your warm heart that encircles your friends and kindles a sense of home... and is right here inside you.

[nappy40]

Welcome back home.

[Tamar]

Thanks Nappy 40! It is good to be back.

Jean, yes I think there is definitely something about weeping as a celebration too - yes ... good to have you back.