You've had your chance

Yesterday I went with a friend to see Pride and Prejudice. As we were setting out I joked that I will probably come out of the movie feeling depressed because I am no longer as young or beautiful as the lead actor. My friend, who is a young woman not quite thirty, burst out,

"Oh Tamar! You've had your chance. Be fair. Let someone else have it now ..."

It is almost 24 hours since my friend said that to me and I am still smiling. It is true, so true. Indeed, I have had my chance, and now it is time for me to be an elder and leave the young and beautiful for someone else.

I not only feel relieved.

I was able to relax, enjoy the movie, and marvel at Keira's beauty even as one would look at an awesome painting.

Comments

[Koan Bremner]

Indeed! You've had the chance to be a young and beautiful woman - some of us never did. Not that I'm claiming that I would ever have been beautiful - but the most I can hope for is to be a middle-aged and beautiful woman. ;-)

[Tamar]

Well, Koan, thanks but I don't ever see myself as having been beautiful - and certainly not like Keira! Young I was though. I do think (and always have actually) that beauty means all sorts of things and surely includes kindness and intelligence ... Let's be beautiful women, shall we? You in middle age and me as a rapidly becoming elder.

[Mark Daniels]

These days, it's easier and almost encouraged for us to deny the aging process these days than it ever has been. I think that you're right, Tamar, that we need to be comfortable about our aging.

I'd also like to see more mainstream Hollywood releases involving mature people, for example. The love story doesn't end when the couple falls in love. In fact, that's not the best their love will be if they work at it.

Just some thoughts.

Mark Daniels

[Ronni Bennett]

Perhaps it is a condition of getting older, but I've noticed in recent years that I can more appreciate the beauty of the young (actors AND a "regular" people) than when I was younger. And sometimes that beauty can take my breath away - like works of art they can sometimes be.

And Koan - you may have missed the period of youthful womanly beauty, but you can relish it now in your mid-years. You are a fine looking woman.

[Tamar]

Mark, I so agree with you about love being richer and deeper when we work at it. But something about those "happily ever after" classic stories still tug at my soul-strings! The beauty of this particular rendition of Pride and Prejudice that I saw this weekend is the portrayal of complexity of the characters. In a way they work through their misunderstandings with complex emotions.

Yes, Ronni, that's how it felt for me watching Keira Knightly and, indeed, others lately - breathless from the beauty and relaxed about not having to match up any longer. For quite awhile now I have felt that way with young people, especially students. I enjoy them so much - love their youthfulness and even find their emotional struggles and life challenges to be complex and interesting. There is a type of distance from it all - my youth for example, that allows me to be fully present and, therefore, emotionally available.

[Melinama]

This is *exactly* (exact words even) the mantra I use to feel less sad, lonely, and anxious. To feel less shamed when I look in the mirror and see ... well, you know. The other thing I remind myself is that I am quite healthy and strong, and that my own mother was dead when she was my age so I'm going well!

[nappy40]

Yes, Tamar, you've had your chance in the sun. I can remember pictures of you looking very lovely and beautiful as a young lady working with the children. And then there's the image in my mind's eye of young Tamar on the bicycle in Israel.

Let someone else have it now.

[Tamar]

Nappy 40 - you remembered my beauty? Well, well. I must have done a good job of fantastically portraying it, I guess ... wink, wink.

Melinama, it's a good mantra to have, I must admit. I have had a wonderful time thinking it and smiling to myself with relief.

[Brian J. Hong]

That is a nice perspective of things. Now I'm not so sad to grow older.