A guest in your house

Coffee is good this morning.

I had fun as guest blogger for Time Goes By yesterday. Also participated at 100 Bloggers for a short while once. It is a strange thing, guest blogging. Different readers in some cases. Even the way people commented seemed different to me over at Ronni's house ... site ...

I expand my horizons, meet new people, hear new things. Even my words look strange over at a different site. I thought to myself as I read me, the guest blogger, "Is that what I wrote? Hm ... sounds more intelligent over here."

Blogs really make the person or is it that the person makes the blog? Each one takes on the character, feel, nature of the person writing it. Guest blogging is really the same as being a guest in someones house. It is almost like entering a club and having the members open their arms to greet and include me. I become quite excited. A sense of belonging is so much what I missed when I was a child that it is at the core, is the essence of who I am. Indeed, my psychic struggle is constantly between the tension of wanting to feel belonging and included, and yet not wanting to at the same time. The latter part I developed as a defense mechanism. For, if I don't need "you" or to be "a member of your club" then I cannot be hurt by longing for you so much. Sounds complicated? Well, not really. I am familiar with the tension, the dance of my brain. It is home for me. As I become more aware of these feelings and find them getting in the way of just plain old enjoying myself, I am able to give them up from time to time - each time a bit longer than the last.

Lately, I enjoy belonging to a number of different groups. The anxiety is decreasing and I find myself letting down my guard more and more. I had so much fun guest blogging yesterday.

And it was good to come home to Tamarika-land. Here I sound like me again, colors, feel of the words are familiar even the furnishings, like an old friendly sofa waiting to envelop me after a long trip away.

Thanks, dear blogger buddies for sharing your homes with me for awhile. I had fun. But now I have to sit back and think about a meme I have been tagged for ...

... later ...

Comments

[Milt]

You do a great job of writing, both at home and away. The best part is, I think I understand.

[joared]

Well, you certainly do have a way with words. Perhaps there is something to be said for not being too needy in terms of self-preservation.

Enjoyed reading you at TGB, enjoy you here. Interesting that you perceive a difference between how you write there and how you write here. Will have to think about that, but think I can understand.

[Tamar]

Thanks for your kind remarks, Joared and Milt.

Yes, Joared, I did perceive a difference. It was quite subtle though and completely subjective.

[Gemma Grace]

Oh Tamar! Your guest post over at Ronni's is so beautiful, so dear, so sweet, so tender! Lovely!

Funny what you said here about guesting. Over at TGB, I felt like I was sitting in the audience in a great hall listening with great pride and excitement to a dear friend. Here, I feel (as I always do) cozied up on your comfy couch with an afghan tucked around my shoulders and a cup of tea warming my hands.

[Gemma Grace]

BTW, the picture's hilarious!

[Tamar]

Hello Gemma,
You describe beautifully how I feel about guest blogging. Thanks, as always, for you kind words and support!