Judgment

Quote of the day:

I miss the chance to meet with me. older, but no wiser

Back to the jury I go today. It occurs to me that so much of human tragedy is played out in the court room rather than a counselor's office. I am facing some uncomfortable feelings as I sit in the jury box judging this or that. Have never been really good at judging others. Far too quickly, understanding the other point of view rushes in to cloud my judgment. That is one of the reasons why, in my personal life, I have stayed in abusive situations for too long. Why do we blame others for the mystery and challenges of life? How do we put a price on pain, anger, loss, confusion?

Mind you, I have always been a harsh and relentless judge of me. Very early in my childhood I took other people's opinions of me to be the truth about who I was or how I felt about things. Counseling helped me understand this. Most of the counseling process with Bob was, indeed, a genuine chance for me to meet with me - not other people's versions of me. Sifting through the illusions was the most challenging. Learning just to hold still and face my vulnerabilities and strengths was, at times, excruciating. Blaming everyone and everything outside was so much easier than confronting myself. So I can understand how people mock counseling or shy away from it. Blaming others was often a relief from the challenge of understanding myself, or taking responsibility for the choices I make.

Indeed, judgment is confusing for me - of others or myself. I do not like being in this position. It is just so difficult for me to be objective about these matters. My personal experiences, feelings and biases surely cloud any verdict I will participate in. For the facts of the case are so play-acted from every side clearly using emotional manipulations for the jury as well as biased witness testimonies. I wish there was a juror's counseling supervisor type person who was on call for us to share these uncomfortable feelings and help put them in some kind of objective perspective.

There has to be something so comforting, so deluding in believing that one is capable of being objective.

Comments

[tamarika]

Mary, in the end it became easy to know what to vote for. But I must admit it helped that the deliberation was professional, civil and congenial. Such an interesting process - I learned so much this week!

Jean, it was indeed demanding. Without meaning to I put my heart and soul into it for six days and came to care about everyone involved. At one point I was even considering changing my profession to becoming a lawyer!!!!

Mo'a, I am sorry to hear about your friend and the gossip that was harmful to you. Thanks for your comment regarding my writing. I appreciate your kindness.

Patry, Welcome to "Mining Nuggets." I appreciate you stopping by and especially your supportive comment. Thank you!

[mary]

Tamar, you are taking me back to my own jury service here. I think it is extremely difficult, verging on the impossible, to be totally objective - I think we can only ask ourselves as jurors to do the best we can and trust that this will be good enough.

That was the best I could do. I remember we had a case and although the balance of probability favoured our guilty verdict it was touch and go whether it was "beyond reasonable doubt". But then once the verdict was announced the list of previous convictions was read out .. and I did feel happier then.

Except in a few cases where there is unarguable physical evidence, I think there will always some doubt for a conscientious juror.

[patry]

If I were on trial, I would want someone like you on the jury.

[Jean]

This is so interesting. I can imagine feeling very similar if I was ever on a jury. Bound to be a very demanding experience, I think, for someone as observant and full of heart as you are.

[Mo'a]

Thank you for using the quote from my blog and linking to me :)
I agree with you that it is so hard to sit in judgement of another. Human beings are complex and there are never eazy answers.
I broke up a three year friendship recently, the person in question judged me by gosiping and trying to sway others to her way of thinking.....sadly she had me all wrong....it is her way. A week later she lost another friend who also had enough of the negative gosip about her an others. I feel sorry for her she has some serious issues that she needs to work on.
Tamar, I loved the letter to your Isarel family. You are a wonderful writer. When I read what you write I can feel your feelings. That is a wonderful gift, one to be celebrated :)