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« There's a post in me somewhere ... | Main | May flights of angels sing you to your rest »

July 12, 2006



I think there are times when you do have to eject the person from your life - even if they are family. If they are so firmly set in their ways and it is impossible to unhinge. Of course, ideally, it would be to detach (or unhinge as I like to think of it) and to pull oneself emotionally out of the dance without breaking off the relationship. However, sometimes one's mental health is more important than relationship at all cost - family member or not. Thanks so much for stopping by my site and sharing your comments here. Much appreciated.

Yes, Richard, I like to think of it as learning an emotional tai chi. What a beautiful image.
And I so agree with both you and Brenda that the danger or difficulty is dragging that style of interacting into other relationships and perpetuating the cycle. For example, I watch that closely with my son and I. Fortunately he is such an aware person and understands human emotions so well, he is always helping me with that.

Mary, the moving on unmoved is, indeed, the hardest part, I believe. And I think laughing at the absurdity of the bind is life saving, actually.


Sometimes I'll open a book of meditations at a random point and, more often than not, my finger bookmarks what I need to work on at that moment.

It's like that for me with your blog. This post is like lookin' in a freaking mirror -- right down to what your therapist told you!

So, obviously one can't change the person who puts you in a double bind. Unless it's a parent, do you eject that person from your life?


Tamar, thank you for such clarity. And brava, for such courage!

Richard Lawrence Cohen

It's so difficult to learn the emotional tai chi of stating one's feelings clearly and simply, of walking out of the double bind and leaving it nothing to hook you with. And, as Brenda said, of not passing the double bind along to others. Thank you for this wonderful post, Tamar, and to the wonderful commenters.


Thank you so much for all your comments. Please forgive me ... I am too sad right now to reply. I will, though in a day or too.


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