The heat of the day

Quote of the day:

One may have friends all over the world, but very few will truly know your heart. Chinese proverb

Living in Buffalo after 40 years of Africa and the Middle East, I felt as if my bones would crack and crumble from cold. Thereafter, every chance I got, everywhere I went, I would sprawl my body in sunshine to warm up the bones from within so that I could handle the minus, minus winters of Western New York year after year for seventeen of them.

And then I came to Philadelphia. And now my body and bones are quite heated up enough, thank you very much. And I wonder how I lived continuously in that Middle Eastern heat for twenty years prior to all of this U.S. of A. experience I have been having for some time now.

But, of course, you do realize that if I am talking about the weather it is so that I won't have to address the real and deep emotional issues I am facing within my self these days. Weather is what we use to keep the conversation light, superficial, fluffy, and not about the real stuff of living. Weather is what we endlessly teach poor young children day in and day out in those oh so boring circle times. Thinking that children will get to know something about this extremely complex world around them if we interminably give them puffy, cotton balls to pin up as clouds or ask them, over and over again, "Is it rainy or sunny today, little darlings?"

Keep it light, superficial, keep it distant, pushed away from the intimacy, complexity, discomfort, messiness of real issues, biases, and emotions that mixed together make up who we are: Bundles of loving, hating and living, throbbing with sensuality, desire, regrets, disappointments, fearful, grieving, and broken hearted humans.

I don't want to sound depressing here. I just long, nay ache, for an authentic conversation with someone about who I am ... really. What my dreams and, especially, desires are.

Recently I read another one of those quotes from Oprah (I can't help but read them - they get sent to me daily because once, in a moment of weakness, I subscribed to them, and now I can't stop ... sorry, Danny):

Attention is friendship's currency. Invest. Devote some time to listening to your friend. No advice. No "the same thing happened to me." Just listen.

I want to be with someone who would do that listening thing for me, with me, for awhile. No, not a therapist. Sure, I miss Bob-the-therapist. But that's not what I am talking about here. I want to give voice to a listening partner, someone who is not afraid to bear witness with me, about all those thoughts and feelings that flow through me like a tidal wave. I want to put them out there and turn them over, explore and discover what I'm all about.

Because, lately, I am owning some pretty heavy stuff - I mean, staring it down ...

... or is it that am I just one hot mama?

Woo-hoo!

Comments

[Neil]

I think what you're expressing is what we all want -- friendship. You can talk forever to a therapist, but since it is so one-sided, you can never really become friends.

[Richard Lawrence Cohen]

Hello, Tamarika!

[MaryB]

Gee, and I was gonna post about the weather today. But really, this kind of weather isn't light-hearted stuff. It feeds my angst and discontent, which still may be around in the autumn but won't seem so awful if it's cool and crisp outside. This heat just saps my energy and will to persevere! (Love the woo-hoo pic BTW!)