Thanks to JJ
ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.): impotent
6. Negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n): a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.): (back by popular demand). The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. [this is my personal favorite]
16. Circumvent (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing ONE letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
3. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
5. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
6. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
7. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
8 Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
9. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
10. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
11. Dopeler Effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
12. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
13. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14 Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
[A year ago on Tamarika: A Slice of Life]
This post made a significant contribution to my quota of self-prescribed monthly humor. I was impressed with many of these words and wonder if any of them will ever be assimilated into our language? Well, new words have to come from somewhere!
Posted by: joared | October 22, 2006 at 04:08 AM
I loved this post Tamar...it made me laugh..a lot. Thanks.
Posted by: Joy | October 22, 2006 at 01:47 AM
Thanks! I needed that... I particularly like #7 in the first list: Lymph... Also #13: Pokemon...
Our language is so rich if we would but explore it and use more than the 10 or 15 % that most Americans even know about...
Posted by: Winston | October 21, 2006 at 07:18 AM
Love those things! You win the prize for pulling the greatest number of guffaws outta me today - thanks!
Posted by: MaryB | October 20, 2006 at 04:54 PM
Those seriously brightened up my Friday afternoon - Thanks :-)
Posted by: andy | October 20, 2006 at 11:09 AM