The middle or both ends

 

[note: my name was Tamar Meyer in 1993 - long story - for another time perhaps]     

On November 10, 1993, my letter to the Editor of the Buffalo News was published. I was ecstatic! It was my first ever official feminist reply to anything. I was 44 years old. As I re-read it this morning, I realized just how many times I used the word: Dominance. Can you tell I was awakening? Becoming aware? Declaring my own personal Aha?

This letter immediately jumped into my mind as a reply to Winston after reading his comment on my blog this morning. I dropped everything I was doing and rummaged through my papers to find it.

I would write it a little differently today. I mean, just for starters, I probably would not use the word dominance as many times in the same sentence. In addition, it comes across as having the tone of a teenager who has just realized her parents are no longer the moral Gods she imagined them to be. So I probably would tone it differently.

But, still - a lot of it rings true. Don't you think?

I guess what I am trying to say, Winston, is that it is really easy for those of us who have grown up as the privileged gender, culture or class, to sit in judgment of others struggling for liberation or to find their voice. By the same token, it is difficult to hear those struggles or voices with compassion and understanding because we have never walked in their shoes or suffered the same types of injustice and inequalities.

At the same time, I agree with Frank's comment:

elimination of privilege is necessary for achievement of equality, and I think that inclusivity is necessary too,

and reiterate my own ideas:

Dominance and privilege causes everyone terrible pain. All are punished. We have to get together, young and old, men and women, girls and boys, and drive Patriarchy out! Out of our psyche, hearts, minds, societal structures, and, yes indeed, even our blogs.

Let us just agree to acknowledge that we can never possibly know what it is like to walk in any one person's or a whole people's shoes, but that we will listen to all our stories in the hopes of understanding one another more and more.

Comments

[tamarika]

Ainelivia, I acquire all that fun stuff from the Syracuse Cultural Workers:
http://www.syrculturalworkers.com/

Love.

[aineliva]

Oh that's wonderful Tamar. Oh yes, I like that. Now to find the T-shirt printing shop. Big smiles here too.

[tamarika]

Ainelivia,
What you write in your comment here reminds me of a saying I have on a T-shirt that I wear. I saw it also on a button that I gave to a friend recently:
"Well behaved women seldom make history."

Smiles.

[ainelivia]

Oh yes, I remember it well, discovering feminism. It was the discovery of a power that I didn't know women had until then. Of course the next question is, what do I do with it and how do I use it.

I suppose it was the language of the time. And I'm just thinking that therapy was a greater awakening for me than feminism. Discovering the language of emotions, and thus, myself.

I was raised with two conflicting views, one that it was unwise to reveal too much of myself because that created a vulnerability. Though that way also lessens the possibility of communication and connection. The other was that it was ok to express feelings and emotions, but I and my Father were in a minority in our family.

Oh yes, I recall being very strident in my feminist views -I am recalling this with some embarrassment now. I suppose that those that recoiled from my views, were dismayed at the radicalisation and politisisation of a once quiet woman.

What you say in the last two paras, that's important. Societal structures are like patterns of behaviour, the ones we are comfortable with, and are not quite sure how to step beyond. That's the scary part of change.