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« All ages admitted ... | Main | Internal ethnography »

August 02, 2007





Oh, and I have another word of wisdom, from someone much wiser than I. We were talking about a close relationship of mine that troubled me, and he said: "You're applying too much glue. Try applying some solvent and wait for [the other person] to apply the glue." It worked.


I so agree with you on the blame game thing. But if you're talking about inner landscapes, blame is really looking for someplace to pin pain.


This discussion is helpful to me. Thanks, Winston, for joining in. I think when you describe "disappointment" I interpret it as feeling abandonned. And, in fact, this ties in with my blog post of today about internal ethnographies and Tom's theory that some people think things happen to them from the outside while others take stock of their inner feelings. So, the old friends were in that "camp" or "school of thought" where stuff happened to them - I did that to them by leaving: that is, abandonned them! I think when we take on that world view: namely, the blame game, it frees us of personal responsibility.


I think "betrayed" is partially correct. Certainly "disappointed".

Since I left home at 17 to attend university, I never moved back. Visit once or twice per year, and maybe 4 to 6 times now that I am back in Tennessee, have ailing elderly parents, and the drive is only about 2 hours. I have noted that many of the friends I grew up with, the ones that never left, consider me an outsider. When I'm there visiting family, these friends will not even drive 5 minutes to see me. Yet we were very close, and if I go to see them they act like they are glad to see me, but their body language and occasional snide remarks tell a different story.

I think it has to do with being the one who left. We see it as pursuing opportunities. They see it as abandoning ship. One of them even said to me once that I thought I was too good for them. Nothing could be further from the truth, but something put that notion in their heads. Yes, I think I've talked myself into the betrayal angle...

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