New blogging era

Quote of the day:

Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia. Kurt Vonnegut [From a comment by Ash at Citizen of the Month]

I am entering a new blogging era where I feel a lot freer about self expression.

For the past three years, blogging has been quite the emotional and psychological challenge. For one, I was always guilty because I continually thought "I should be writing my book." And then there was always the subject of what I should or should not say in such a public domain, even though it is my very own personal space. I surely have been going in and out of confidence with that one! Finally, I discovered that whenever I wrote something that was cathartic or especially meaningful for me in a deep way, I would become hoarse! All in all, quite the emotional experience, I must say.

Well, so, now the book is done and guilt is shedding, pouring off my shoulders even as I write this. I have pretty much worked out what I can, should, and will write in my blogging space. And, as for becoming hoarse? Well, that seems to be hanging around as a mysterious phenomenon. For when I was writing pieces of my book that excited, challenged, or were deeply meaningful to me, I became hoarse too. During the Thanksgiving break when my son was visiting, he was amazed to see how hoarse I had become after writing for a few hours. When I was young and sang publicly, I would immediately get a sore throat or become hoarse to the point of whispering. So, I guess it has something to do with the excitement and exhilaration of self-expression. Who knows? Who cares? Just interesting to me, that's all.

In a way, I recently realized (and am sort of blown away about it) how, all my life, even as I tremble and shake with trepidation within, I seem to press on - bulldoze a path right through my fears and insecurities, towards self actualization, and my birth right of self expression.

Happy birthday, Dad. If you would be alive today you would be 114 years old.

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: The D word

Comments

[tamarika]

Winston,
That is good advice. Thanks. I am going to try it!

Tess,
Thank you.

[Tess]

Fabulous! Looking forward to the new era with just as much enthusiasm as I've been reading the last.

[Winston]

You've come a long way, Baby! Compared to a couple of years ago on your old blog, you are now Master, or is it Mistress, of the Universe -- exuding self-confidence. That transformation has been wonderful to observe. Thanks for letting us watch and participate.

The hoarseness -- could it be a swallow thing. Some people, when they get tense or excited, don't swallow in their normal pattern. The throat gets tense and tight, then dry. Think about it. Be observant of your own habits. Keep water close at hand and take swigs often.

[tamarika]

Tamar,
I know. It is strange isn't it? How I manage to speak up in spite of my fears. Most people have no idea how frightened I really am within. But I think that has made me clumsy at times - in my expression of things - the fear, I mean.

At some point in my life I realised that I have to bare myself to me - open it up and expose the underbelly of my shadows and fears - in order to get to know who I am and how my psyche works!

[tamar]

gosh, and i hold you as a model of open expression. to think you are initiating a new phase, of open expression, leaves me wondering how i will ever get the courage to be half as open as you have been until now.