Where to now? (Update)

I cannot remember the exact date of my blog anniversary because directly after I began it something happened to my computer, and I was forced to restart in mid January or so. However, I remember starting blogging around the second week of January, and so I will choose today as my third year as a blogger. And, my! How time has flown. In that time I have moved states, found two jobs, finally deciding to stay with the second one, and written my second book. Even though I am at the editing stage, the publishers are planning a June publication date and are advertising it in their sneak peak already! I can't believe how much I have done in that time. Mostly, I am excited to realize that I made it through a very tough transition. There was indeed a light at the end of the tunnel and I managed to climb up and out of my psychological, self-made cave back in 2005 when I started blogging.

While I was sitting waiting for a haircut yesterday, I read an article in People magazine about a woman who had lost over 150 pounds body weight by blogging about the process. She wrote about how writing about her weight out loud in public helped her, first admit she was over weight, and second, face the long hard process with support from the blogging community. I smiled because in a way I had done the very same thing. Only with me, it was not about losing body weight. I lost psychological weight - weight of the past through blogging. Don't get me wrong, I still want to lose the body weight! But perhaps that will become easier now as my psyche becomes lighter all the time!

One of the hardest things for me about leaving Buffalo at the end of 2004, was parting from Bob-the-therapist. However, it turned out to be a huge blessing in disguise. For, I had reached a point in therapy where I needed to hold still with myself, alone, face-to-face with my shame and vulnerabilities. I wrote about this back in February 2006:

Feelings of gratitude and relief wash over me as I realize that my blog has served a wondrous purpose this past year, reconstructing my emotional life, and giving me the gift of companionship as others accompany me on my navel-gazing investigations. Blogger companions not only support, and accept me, or share their own stories and memories. Indeed, they bear witness as I process my inner life with myself including sometimes joyous or even painful revelations.

I realize that my blog has served a Bob-like purpose for me this past year helping me explore, dissect and connect events to past times, memories of childhood or different periods of life. After all I left Bob just as I was beginning to smash down the wall of illusions and realities that had helped me survive as a child. I was starting to understand - really understand - finally, deeply, how those old, worn-out survival skills and trusted paradigms were no longer necessary, relevant or even helpful for my maturing adult life.

Now, as I reach my third year of blogging I wonder about its purpose for the future. I have not yet completed the process of self understanding. That will surely go on forever as I uncover new feelings or connections using each interaction as a therapeutic opportunity. However, it feels less urgent.

It seems to me that each person's blog has some kind of theme. Mine has certainly been focused on an all-about-me theme! Surely, politics, aging, health, religion, society, blogging, and so much more, gets filtered through that focus, but I think I might be becoming bored (or, worse still, boring) with it. And if I am, then surely my readers are too? When I review my stats counter from time to time I have noticed a drop in readers, and comments have become even less.

And so, as I reach this milestone - my third blog-a-versary - I return to my age old question back in my Tamarika days: why blog?

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Let me explain

Update:

After reviewing my stats after three years of blogging at Tamarika and Mining Nuggets, I discover that I have written 760 posts; received 3,667 comments, and have had 96,420 page hits.

However, the most interesting point for me is that comments and page hits for Tamarika were twice as much as for Mining Nuggets during the same amount of time - a year and a half each.

Gee, I wonder why that is? 

Comments

[tamarika]

Danny,
Thanks for not getting bored with my ramblings! I smiled at the idea of a video with me singing. It tickled me pink! I will will think about it seriously because I might have some fun creating such a thing.

Tamar,
It is always good to hear from you. You are always so supportive. Thank you!

Winston,
Am grateful that you continue to read my blog. I was moved by your words that I strengthen the community.

mm! Hurray to hear from you again after such a long time. I will drop by your blog too to see how you are doing. (and will reply to your e-mail!) Happy New year!

[mm]

... and I meant to say that I'm glad to return. Your blog reflects who you are I think - honest, questing and brave.

[mm]

Congratulations, Tamar, and happy blogday. It's been far too long since I've been here but the question you pose resonates strongly. Why blog indeed? I don't have an answer but until I do I'll probably keep putting up posts anyway!

I got rid of my stats counter. I think it is one of the healthiest blog-things I've done. It's certainly helped to make me more relaxed about the whole business ...

I don't actually think I have many readers now but in a way that just brings into focus that if I am to continue to blog it has to be for me. The rest, including readers, I guess will (or will not) follow in their own good time.

That's what I tell myself. Not quite sure that I totally believe it though. :-)

[Winston]

Congratulations on 3 years of endurance! I've been reading you from my beginning about 2.5 years ago, and I can sum up your blog presence as: You've come a long way, baby!

We have all talked about our reasons and the stats and our roles and what the hell it all means, if anything, ad infinitum. Forget about all that. See Tamar's comment above. Just do it Your sotto voce is reason enough for many of us to come here each day. You strengthen our community...

[tamar]

Try to forget the stats. Keep doing what you're doing. Blogging. Your truth, your stuff, your world(s) according to Tamar(ika).