Happy New Year

Let joy be the theme for this year.

[Randy's gift to me this Christmas: Willow Tree Angel of Happiness]

Recently in Seattle, I overheard from the back of the car a conversation between life partner and his old, close friend, in which a quote was shared from a wise person the friend had encountered:

"People who are grieving don't read fiction."

I realized that I have not been comfortable reading fiction since ... well, a long time ago. I was even ascribed the label of not being a real reader, which was always puzzling to me because I read constantly - just not fiction. At first I thought it was because I was too serious or studious. But the more I thought about it, I understood when I started grieving. It was around 1974 to 1975, and directly relates to the time of my forced abortion. What a weak, full-of-shame, I'll-do-anything-for-people-to-love-me type person I was back in those days. I shudder to think it. The loss was enormous. I was only able to scrape the surface of processing it 20 years later with a grief counselor in Buffalo, New York. And, now, as I continue to shed self-loathing - or, the shame of all that is "me," I allow myself to discover joy - joyfulness - joyousness - yes indeed, happiness. That is exactly why I placed the Angel of Happiness on my wish-list this Christmas. I need all the help I can get!

2009 seems promising to me, personally. Entering the age of sixty in May feels like it might be heralding in a new era. And so, as I continue to work at driving out ancient, toxic shame to regain my joyful birthright, perhaps (just perhaps) I will find interest in reading fiction again ... again ... again ... I mean, in between the memoirs I enjoy reading lately.

Comments

[tamarika]

Sky,
I bought a book of poetry in the airport on the way home! I haven't read poetry in such a long while. It was wonderful. It is interesting what interests people. Everyone unique in what "turns them on." Am not at all sure about the validity of the theory about grieving and not reading fiction. Most of these kinds of theories relate to the people who create them. However, I thought it was interesting because there seems to be some connection with when I started to lose interest in novels. I will explore it further as the days and months go by, because, am still not yet inclined towards choosing to read a novel versus non-fiction!

Kay,
Yes, I find it difficult to focus on anything when I am in mourning. I know what you mean. Hopefully my little angel statue will remind me to allow child-like joy into my life!

Happy New Year!

[Kay Dennison]

Your angel is lovely!!!!

When I was grieving, I didn't read -- period. I was paralyzed with regard to things that gave me joy. I do understand and I am delighted that you have come so far.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!

[sky]

i will have to think about this in relation to my own life. i am a non-fiction reader, too. seems like i have been all my life. i loved biographies even as a child. then i learned that fiction is so often the lightly covered up truth of someone's life. but still i loved non-fiction! eventually i came to see that biographies are simply the tale of the writer and may or may not be fully authentic in content. so i began to read more than one biography about the subject when possible for objectivity and a broader perspective.

i read historical fiction and enjoy it. then there is fiction such as pat conroy writes which is more than loosely based on his life. i have enjoyed his books. but i still prefer memoirs, journals, diaries, letters, and biographies with a bit of poetry tossed in for good measure.

i love your angel with the bluebirds - such joy is captured!