A different option

Quote of the day

A pessimist may be right in the long run, but the optimist has a better time during the trip. (Daily quote posted yesterday at Neidermyer's Poultry Counter - Chestnut Hill Farmers Market)

The other day at one of my presentations, I talked about doing and understanding only what we are able at any given moment. It seemed to make sense to people attending my talk - but, more importantly it made sense to me in a most profound way. One of the participants shared how hard it was to convince a younger person she cared about, that she needed a higher education in order to succeed in this world. At the end of her story, the older woman in my workshop asked my advice about how to convince her young protege about something she considered to be so crucial for her survival. I replied that she probably would not be able to convince the young woman of anything she did not experience. 

For example, when I was young, a number of significant people in my life told me that I was intelligent and should get a higher education. At that time in my life I was unable to even vaguely imagine what they were talking about. I did not feel like I was intelligent, but more painfully, I did not feel deserving of a higher education like everyone else. No amount of telling could convince me to try. But then, one day, almost twenty years later, after years of life experience, self destructive behaviors, therapy, and a bit of luck, I finally allowed myself to reach out, and pull myself out and up into the academic light.

You just cannot do what you are not psychologically or emotionally ready to do.

When I look back and remember moments with all the mentors, therapists, family members, or friends, who gave me advice and support along the way, I realize how they helped me arrive at that moment when I made a choice to change my life script. So, while it is important to share our passion, enthusiasm, support, role modeling - even personal advice - with others, we care about, at the same time, we will have to understand and accept that others may not take our advice or example yet, or ever. 

Perhaps our task as educators, counselors, family members or friends - is simply to offer others on our life's path, a different option. Perhaps that is all we can do.

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: An afternoon in New York

Comments

[tamarika]

Dear Donna,
I can tell by your comments, that a lot is on your mind about so may topics. Methinks it is time for your own blog! What say you? The blogging community will welcome you with all its cyber tendrils, because you have so much that is worthwhile to share!
Smiles.

[Donna Falcone]

So true and ironically something that cannot be really accepted until we have experienced it with the memory of seeds planted long ago... when we can say "I remember when so and so said this to me... now I know what she/he meant". I feel such gratitude for those gardeners who planted those seeds in spite of the fact that they appeared lifeless to the naked and impatient eye. I feel such gratitude for the slow and steady germination, and the bursting forth of new life when exactly the right conditions have been met. When I am able to see the full cycle of seeds sown to their fruition, I am able to see that readiness is everything, and the options we offer come in the form of seeds. Even though they lay dormant for a while they are far from dead... they are not without hope or promise... they are merely waiting for their time.

[sky]

yes.

in my life i recall knowing at some level that a relationship i was in was not healthy for me and was not working. in my inability to embrace that information fully i refused to make any changes. then suddenly a few years later something occured which apparently tore down the fence which had kept me on the perimeter instead of deeply connected to myself...and i stopped in my tracks, made a decision to change the direction of my life, and took care of myself. it was clearly an example of my not being ready or able to accept or act on information which was always available to me but which was just too painful for me to own.

[Kay Dennison]

"You just cannot do what you are not psychologically or emotionally ready to do."

This says it all and I realized it a long time ago. The trick is figuring out how to get to that point.