Taking stock and resolving? (Update)

Quote of the day:

You do not have to be good 
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting 
You only have to let the soft animal of your body 
love what it loves ... (Wild Geese by Mary Oliver)

I cannot help it. This time of the year rubs off on me. Good will and self reflection energy rises up and envelopes me. I find myself joining in the taking stock and making resolutions for the future thing that happens all around. It starts with the giving thanks syndrome during the month of November. 

Returning to therapy surely helps to move along the process of looking back and thinking forward. Mind you, I am not so much in the mood to be looking back lately. Although I understand that old stuff gets in the way of present situations, I thought I had cleared all that out, unloaded the heavy load, left it all behind. Come to find out, not so fast, little Lady. Old wounds twitch and prickle when the cold and rains arrive. Ah, how well I remember those. They are playing a familiar tune. Wavering between 60 and 10 years old, moving in and out of it, feeling surprised when I look in the mirror to discover the reality of right here and now. A relief really - to be in the now.

At this stage all I can do is resolve to understand me more and more. Not reload the heaviness of my past on my shoulders or behind my tired eyes. Just use it to reflect on, like a well known picture with old familiar senses, sigh with an aha, and move on with being the 60-year old me I am fast becoming.

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: To sleep, perchance to dream.

Update:

A couple of responses to this post ... to share here ... reminding me how fortunate I am to have such constant, wonderfully supportive friends ...

From one ...

My darling friend, you are ALSO able to fly like an eagle or a swallow with your big heart and clever brain, so swoop around! I am going to send you some stuff for the thinking forward bit. I love you both before and after!

And ... from another ...

Lovely thoughts dear friend on returning to therapy. I wanted to validate that you can call anytime and rant in my ear or laugh or cry and I'll be a listener. Time difference is not a concern for me. Anytime!  

Now, I need to know where you got the shirt you are wearing in the latest picture on your blog (in my humble opinion, the best photo yet)? You are, by the way, looking younger and younger with your new haircut, continued weight management and loss, and shedding more heaviness from the past. But the shirt is to die for and I want one!!!! I'm probably out of luck because you got it in some exotic place in your travels. 

Comments

[donna]

I thought about it some more... I think what I was trying to say... "KEEP YOUR MIRROR HANDY!" Love you!

[tamarika]

Donna,
Thank you for this. Great advice!

Am grateful for your constant support and friendship all these long years through all sorts of times, eh?
Smiles and hugs.

[donna]

A friend has said to me "look back, but don't stare". I'm not sure why I feel the need to share that with you, but there you go. It helps me tremendously, when things get very "muddy" and the past becomes a heavy weight.... when I stare too intensely I forget who I have become. You are amazing and wonderful...smart and loving and creative and so valued... and this protective side of me wants to swoop in and say that I hope you will not stare. Geesh... and the self conscious side of me feels silly about that I admit... but the protective side is winning.