In treatment ...

Quote of the day:

The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel

Last week my therapist suggested that as things are happening, or during interactions with others, I might try asking myself a simple question:

"How does that make me feel?"

I have been trying it out. 

It is not easy for me. I first have to get over a couple of hurdles: 

• First, the feelings are valid, but more importantly, 
• it is safe to feel them at all.

It is a struggle ...

I find myself changing the subject, or eating half a loaf of bread before I have time to realize I am feeling angry, jealous, disappointed, lonely, unworthy, excluded - whatever! 

The therapist is relentless. He brings me back to this issue over and over again, whether I want to go there or not. I really adore the challenge of it. Mostly I want to go there with him. After all, I returned to therapy after a break of almost 6 years. I knew I had reached some kind of space that seemed too uncomfortable to proceed. And, now, here I am, ready to push through. 

This is a big one for me. 

It is at the core of my authenticity.

And so, I am grateful not only that he gives me a safe space to work this out, but that he coaxes and prods me to connect with the feelings right then and there - at the very moment they are happening.

For, as difficult as it is for me, I notice that feelings are stirring. I am slowly allowing them to seep out and up into my consciousness, and bit by bit hold still with the fear and discomfort that accompanies them. 

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Pre and Se ... quels ...

Comments

[Marion Barnett]

I bet you will certainly FEEL happiness differently....with the fear lessened.

[tamarika]

Marion,
I was laughing at the thought of super glue on the soles of my feet! But, honestly, it is a relief. It feels good to be holding still with this stuff. It is not traumatic - just a struggle - a negotiation with myself.

The feelings of fear or discomfort are very internal and reflective. It does not feel stormy or explosive.

Sometimes, I am very, very sad to think of all the wasted youth spent on hiding my authentic self with fears.

But, in the end, I realize, that's a little bit how life goes. Somehow I have gained the courage to work through this, now that I am older. Maybe I could have more fun now - before I die!!! Just a thought, that is.

[Marion Barnett]

I like that thought..."hold still with the fear and discomfort"....
I guess as the authentic or true self is challenged to integrate with our true feelings, the made-up self (made up with what others told us about who we are and how to react,the one that gets angry, eats, and runs away) is weakened and gradually loses power over our true self. You might consider super glue on the soles of your feet for this next bit of therapy!