It is almost a year since we moved into our new home in Mount Airy. A lot has happened. Much of it has to do with a change of heart, attitude, and shift in a psychological understanding of my Self. My therapist terms it as "taking off my sunglasses ..." Perhaps a person has to reach the glorious decade of the sixties in order to achieve this type of awareness. Or, maybe it has more to do with clearing away fear (the "final frontier," as my old friend, George, used to call it). I wonder at which point I decided to fear no more - or, rather, to fear less.
On Friday I happened to catch the last moments of one of Oprah's farewell shows. Toni Morrison was on and talked about her son's death. When asked what it was like to get over it, Morrison said that she did not want to get over it. She wanted those memories of her child to stay with her forever. She thought it would not do her son justice if she just got over it and went on with her life. His life was deserving of her remembering him forever. Toni Morrison clearly does not fear grieving. Indeed, she embraces it!
I realize that all of my ruminations lately are the stuff of memoir. While, once I thought I was a developing an outline for how to write about my life, I am finding that present notions and feelings are shifting. Looking back on my childhood is just not the same as it used to be. More distant now, and more objective in some ways. Stirrings of pain are still there - much like the awakening of old wounds on a cold and rainy day. And yet, understanding and forgiveness offer me a different perspective.
Lately, I, like Toni Morrison, embrace my grief with less fear - honoring my losses through enriched memories.
I did not know where to comment so I am leaving a comment here. I saw the photographs of "Land of My Fathers" and "Janna's Classroom". Both albums are wonderful. I enjoyed the photographs of Kahal Shalom immensely.
Also, was the study of Amaril and the sunflower, was that an investigative study that is based on the Reggio Emilia Philosophy? I am really fascinated and study Reggio Emilia investigative studies.
Posted by: Sweet Girl Tracie | May 23, 2011 at 08:53 PM
It surely does not rule out the desire to write a memoir. Indeed, it sweetens it. I cannot wait ... or have I already begun?
Posted by: tamarika | May 16, 2011 at 06:05 AM
I totally understand that. Within the last year, I lost 2 grandparents in a very short time and have no grandparents left in my life. I have been grieving their losses through the memories that I will cherish forever.
Posted by: Sweet Girl Tracie | May 15, 2011 at 11:26 PM
Great post, T.
Posted by: Ilene | May 15, 2011 at 02:43 PM
That sounds fantastic, but I hope it doesn't rule out your desire to write a memoir. If you feel more at peace with the events and drama of your past, writing about it could be an even more helpful process for yourself and your potential readers, don't you think?
P.S. Your house looks SO magnificent and like a real oasis of beauty and calm--I can't wait to visit it some day.
Posted by: Danny | May 15, 2011 at 12:46 PM