Revelation

[A species of Plumbago in my garden]

Yesterday I was asked to think about why I am so invested in feeling to blame for other people's problems/behaviors/issues ... 

The revelation about the why comes as I am twisting into yoga postures or sitting silently in meditation.

So here goes - perhaps:

If I am to blame -

If I think it is all about me - 

Then I have the illusion that I can change it - [if it is about me, I can surely work at fixing me - there is something I can and must do about it]

An illusion that I am in control in a helpless situation - [I think I was taught that something must and can always be done to fix it]

The discomfort is in the holding still - [in doing nothing - not reacting, not fixing me/it]

Accepting that -

It is not about me -

There is absolutely nothing -

I can do about changing them.

Comments

[Tamarika]

Dear Melissa,
Welcome to my blog! I hope my book is useful for improving your relationships with young children ...

[Tamarika]

Thanks to all for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this post. It helps to know I am not alone in this :-)

[Melissa Pasos]

Ive been reading your book Dont Get So Upset after a dear professor recommended. This revelation is equally amazing!! I think so many people will relate to this! Women especially will often go into this feeling of wondering why I am the problem of something & how can it be fixed. Only to have somethign go completely wrong in the fixing part and then I really end up being to blame. Ugg,what a mess then?!?! I love how you put this into words.

[Freda]

I think there is something very important here. When we can recognise that there is nothing we can do, then we try and learn to let go and as this happens we let go and instead let God.

[ainelivia]

Hallo Tamar, this is wonderful, it's a poem, and one i so recognise; it's the being still and feeling helpless that i find so hard to do, doing probably gives me the illusion of being in control...i think you have put it so well, thank u for that...