Validating the feelings

There are no right or wrong, or good or bad feelings.

I know this.

I have studied in depth about how young children develop emotionally.

And yet ...

... I am learning that I monitor and judge the validity of my feelings to the extent that I numb them out in fear they are wrong, or even dangerous for my survival.

When I am in therapy, time and again I am amazed and grateful that my feelings are validated, and that I am encouraged to express them.

It has such an effect on me.

For days after therapy I wander around almost dazed in wonder that the world seems clearer and brighter, and I feel visible to me. 

What is even more amazing to me, though, is that I do not have to do anything about my feelings.

For example, if I experience anger, I do not have to act on it.

Just feel it - understand it - hold still with it.

I might want to act on my anger in some way later - even days or weeks later - in order to make a stand for me.

At that time, it will be measured, chosen, and good for me versus reactive, impulsive, and self-destructive or self-punitive.

Indeed, thanks to the patience and perseverance of an adept therapist, I am slowly beginning to shed my early childhood fear that somehow my feelings have the power to destroy others.

Comments

[Sweet Girl Tracie]

I can relate to this..In the past 2 1/2 years I have been learning to validate my feelings and find healthy ways to express myself. For the most part, I usually kept all to myself. I have learned that this can be dangerous to me and have found ways to advocate for myself. I am still learning and it takes time and practice. But I am getting there.