Ten minutes about weight loss - go:

Quote of the day:

You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. It's possible to treat yourself with outrageous kindness beginning today. Geneen Roth

I always thought that I was an emotional eater. In other words, if I was angry, sad or bored I would pick up the entire insides of the refrigerator and pack them into my body in the space of five minutes or so. And, of course, that is still true to some extent.

Not the packing in of enormous amounts of food. That, thank goodness, is no longer true.

What is true is that the purpose of eating is emotional as well as physical for me. However, it is much more connected with feelings of self loathing. Not simply that I do not like myself and thus reach for food. It is more about self loathing as preventing me from caring for and about my Self.

Recently, in a kind of mini revelation, I discovered the power of eliminating self loathing. It simply has direct implications for how I treat myself physically. In other words, I enjoy taking care of my diet and exercise. I love eating healthy foods because it makes me feel physically good. I enjoy yoga and my walks like never before. Because they make my body and mind feel good.

And ... and this is the important part ... I enjoy feeling good!

More and more, I find that I am able to hold still with good feelings - even as my brain immediately clicks into gear and tries to take me back to self punishment, raising up ancient pains or feelings of guilt and regret about the past. I stare at those feelings in the face and refuse to entertain those old wounds. I allow them to flow past and away, and return to feeling happy, fulfilled, and even ... valued and lovable.

I cannot describe what fun it is to look into the mirror and like what I see. It is such an unusual feeling for me, that I find myself staring for awhile. Yes indeed, I allow myself to get a sense of me with all the gray hair, odd wrinkles and little plumpy pieces, and before long I realize I am smiling back at me. 

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Loving the unlovable

Seven years ago at Tamarika: What's a blog (Update)

Comments

[joared]

Your current blogs read as though you're more content and accepting of yourself than impressions I recall from years earlier posts. Of course, you were adjusting to relocating as I recall -- a major life change which does effect us.

I think maybe we never stop learning about ourselves because we're always evolving if we're engaged in life and living.

I was completely taken off guard realizing numerous old issues I thought had been long-settled in my mind and behavior had resurfaced after my husband's death (shortly before I began blogging.) I didn't immediately recognize this fact, but at least I finally did.

[tamarika]

Dear Jean - fellow traveller on this life amazing journey - as you say so clearly in your blog post. Our brains were "washed" early on and when we recognize that, we can conquer all!!

I believe in you and hold you in my thoughts as we tread similar turf if only in different venues and with different dreams.

Much love and many hugs and smiles,
Your old blogger buddy!

[Jean]

This really spoke to me, Tamar, as I'm right now finding it such a struggle to feel happy and excited rather than frightened and hopeless about a future that actually doesn't look hopeless at all (see recent blog post), and also my eating habits have deteriorated during this difficult time. Your experience gives me hope that it's worth continuing to work with this.