Quote of the day:
Tell me different times you needed chocolate or alcohol. Ten minutes. Go. Natalie Goldberg (Page 224)
Just one bite of chocolate can give me the strength I need to stand before my students of an evening lecture or two. After a long, tiring work day, sometimes fear rises out of nowhere about whether I am skilled or competent enough to interest, excite, stimulate or inspire the students in my class. I reach into the bottom drawer and take out a piece of chocolate. As I swirl it around in my mouth, the sweetness softens the anxiety and melts away my fear just long enough for me to gather up my books, dolls, and papers and charge into the classroom with the energy I need to share what I would like young women and men waiting for me there to know.
And, oh the times I have enjoyed a glass of champagne! Like after defending my dissertation. What a glorious day that was. So many colleagues and friends present as I defended my thoughts, ideas, method of research, and, it seemed, like my entire professional life. As my three advisors discussed in-depth about type of research I had conducted, inviting audience participation, I thrilled to feel that I had caused this celebration of ideas. Me. It was me, who had done this! I stood up there by the podium frightened but exhilarated. And at the end I waited breathlessly outside the room as the advisors decided my fate. One of them came out to me and said, "You are a great student. This was terrific work. Be proud. Really proud." As he walked away I felt slightly dizzy. The tips of my fingers were tingling and I almost wanted to shout out with joy. Instead, I stood really quietly, closed my eyes, and savored the moment.
Social networking is grand. I adore playing on Facebook and keeping in touch with all sorts of people. Family, friends, colleagues, topics of interest, surveys ... whatever. And then, one day a really old friend makes a connection. Let's say - from forty years ago or so. An important friend. One, who changed the course of my life. A person who influenced the way I thought about myself ... and so on. One day the friend pops into my email box: "Found you on Facebook. Is that the you I knew?"
That night, I need a gin and tonic - but not alone - with friends who can laugh along with me as I unpack the past and relish in the present, even as regrets brush me silently with their shadows.
Seven years ago at Mining Nuggets: How am I ... really?
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