There is nothing I like more than sitting at my desk in my study typing away while the two cats lay curled up asleep together on a blanket on the windowsill next to me. I look over at them and a sense of peace and contentment fills me - body and soul. Companionship does not have to be about talking or doing. It is especially meaningful just sitting side by side - experiencing the moment together, breathing in and out, thinking and feeling our own thoughts and feelings. We don't have to be alike or think alike. Just experience the moment together.
I do love going for walks with others, but don't always feel the need to talk while walking. Just experiencing each step as we plod along, or sensing the physical environment together as we pass by is often enough for me. Being in the moment together is companionship enough. Indeed, sitting in silence with others have been some of the most meaningful experiences of my life. It is probably why I enjoy meditating in a group as much, or sometimes even more than sitting alone.
I wonder if I have always been like that. After all, I have always found that when I am in a group of people, I prefer to stay silent and listen to others, rather than to "share my smarts!" I used to think there was something wrong with me - that I was less intelligent, or just boring. But, lately, I think that I have always been this way - since a child. An observer and listener. Of course, this has sometimes gotten me into trouble, for my silence can be misinterpreted as snobbish or superior, and I have been accused of being that way a number of times. As I get older, I understand that others are transferring their own insecurities and anxieties onto me when that happens. I know that because when I am feeling confident and secure, I don't take personally all sorts of weird behaviors or things that people say or do "to" me. On the other hand, when I am vulnerable or hurting about something else in my personal life, I tend to feel excluded or insulted whatever others are saying or doing.
Lately I have come to realize that some people are sensitive to another's vulnerabilities. And, depending on their own early, emotional memories, or ways they were treated when they were young, they will either hurt or heal those more vulnerable than themselves. It depends on if when they were young they learned to kick others when they were down, or gather them up with compassion.
Companionship is complicated.
As I start to think about wrapping up this post, I notice the cats have started tumbling and rolling around in play. Our soft, together moment has passed. I need to get on with the day - they have decided to battle for turf.
We move on ...
... together.
A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Opened to love & Immigration anniversary
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