Giving up the script

Quote of the day:

The more healthy relationships a child has, the more likely he will be to recover from trauma and thrive. Relationships are the agents of change and the most powerful therapy is human love. Bruce Perry

How do I know when to give up my emotional script? What are the signs? Is it the end of summer breeze that sweeps through my hair early in the morning as I sit out on my front porch waiting for the world around me to wake up? Is it a stirring in my brain and limbs that excites and exhilarates me? Is it a realization? An epiphany? How do I know? I sense that it is now or never to change up the old familiar script in my brain: I am full of shame and guilt, no good, of no worth ... on and on ...

Indeed, it simply does not fit for me to feel that way any longer. Too many objective reality signs around me. Too many interactions and relationships that reinforce the opposite for me. I see a different kind of view of my self from within. A settled, peaceful self that rejects those old wounded images of me. In fact, bit by bit I have been giving up the ancient script learned in my earliest childhood these past five to seven years or so. Each day a tiny piece of new perspective and reality has shifted ever so slightly within me until this morning I realized that indeed - it is time to give it up completely. 

Lately, I feel like I have been enveloped by enormous beauty and light. Holding my newborn granddaughter in my arms and watching her innocent, angelic sleep, while sensing her warmth throbbing close to my heart, was overwhelmingly emotional for me. I couldn't help but forgive myself for every single bad decision made throughout my life. It was as if all my ancient wounds were healed, bathed in love and anointed with soothing oils. There were moments that I wept deeply from the sheer joy of the experience. 

So:

No more hesitancy or fear about who I am or what I need. No more believing that I am inherently bad. It has become pathetic, ridiculous, superfluous to feel that way - obsolete.

Indeed - it is irrelevant. 

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: We get what we get and don't get upset!

Comments

[Tamarika]

Tamar! Wow! What a surprise! Thanks so much.

[Tamar Flower]

Congrats Mazal tov on your granddaughter