Leaning into a state of no control. I always remember an old friend of mine saying, "Don't worry. Everything is out of control." We were in our late twenties - well over 40 years ago - and she meant it in an eastern philosophical sense, reminding me to just let go and let God. It stayed with me in times of crisis, or even when I am stuck in a traffic jam. I tense up, become anxious, look around for what I can do to get out of the situation, and then at some point I whisper those words to myself and start to relax into it. From then on, I find myself becoming more focused on here and now, holding still, and being intentionally aware of what is happening in the moment. My breathing slows down, and I start to see things I might not have noticed before. I am able to listen to people who are with me, and really hear what they are saying. I become more present.
It is important to heed the advice of scientists and medical experts during this pandemic. But, even more important is being able to shutter away those who spread fear and lies. In times like these I only want the truth - even if it is difficult or uncomfortable to hear. It helps me make informed decisions and gives me some sense of control in an otherwise uncontrollable situation. Don't pander to me and tell me lies to make it sound like everything will be okay. I have faith that we will live through this, even as I know tens of thousands will not. I feel sure that some will emerge stronger and wiser, and many will be crushed and weakened. Ever since I was a child I could not tolerate being told something just to placate me. I have always sought out the truth - the reality of a situation, no matter how painful or harsh. My best therapy sessions are when I confront an excruciating feeling and process it as far as I can go with my therapist sitting opposite me listening and validating how I feel in that very moment. I don't brush it under the rug or put on a happy face to deny its existence. At the end, I feel more whole, lighter, and much, much stronger. I feel confident and that I can face anything that will happen going forward.
We are constantly telling little children to smile and be happy instead of holding still and helping them confront uncomfortable feelings. We need real life skills to understand that life is sad and lonely sometimes - we are angry and hurt sometimes - we are disappointed and envious sometimes - we are bored and tired sometimes - just as we feel indescribable joy sometimes. I love Joseph Campbell's idea of "joyfully participating in the sorrow of the living." Life is complex and messy. For me, that's the very essence, the reality, the very beauty of it.
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